Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

Wednesday, 28th May 2008

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Wednesday

Up half the night with the PMQs Team trying to think of new U-turns Dave can demand. Nigel ordered us to let our imaginations go wild, really go for it. ‘No policy reversal too big.’ Was tired enough, but then everyone called in for a ‘constructive and inclusive b*ll*cking’. Apparently the Miliband Unit is a mess. It was supposed to be coming up with proper attack stuff but has only submitted one idea centred around the fact that he’s got funny helmet hair, and can’t pronounce fantastic -— he says ‘fun-tustic’! Jed says this is shallow and inadequate, and I’m inclined to agree with him. What about his awful clothes, his deathly white pallor and the infuriating nasal quality in his voice? Are we just going to let the so-called Foreign Secretary off the hook for all of that?

Thursday

Lot of unhappiness about the extra work involved in the awayday, which only got worse when Nigel handed out the hotel brochure. No mention of a swimming pool or spa. I do think that Now We Are Electable we might allow ourselves a bit of indulgence. The odd conference in Sandbanks or Cowes with a couple of rejuvenating seaweed wraps wouldn’t hurt, would it? Or is General Wellbeing not top of our agenda any more?