Fred nearly got his breakfast ate

Come listen to a story about a man named Fred,
A poor country lawyer, barely kept his family fed,
He was out one day, just a-hustlin’ for some food,
When along came a US Senator dude.
(Baker, that is. Howard. Dirksen son-in-law.)

Well, Baker found Fred so suave and debonair,
That he said, “young feller, move away from there!”
He said, “Capitol Hill is the place you oughta be!”
So they loaded up Fred’s truck, and he moved to D.C.
( Washington, that is. Lobbyists. Embassies.)

Now, Fred got involved with a thing called Watergate,
Tried to play both sides, nearly got his breakfast ate,
For just when he thought he was doin’ really swell,
The President told folks Fred was dumber than hell!
(Nixon, that is. Millhous. Tricky Dick.)

Fred had sideburns nearly down his chin,
And some folks said, “Fred, you’re uglier than sin!”
But Fred was sick of toiling at the bar,
So, against tremendous odds, he became a movie star.
(Film actor, that is. TV, too. Law & Order.)

So, thanks to Hollywood , ole Fred’s a millionaire,
Once again, folks are sayin’, “Fred, move away from there!”
They say, “In the White House is the place you oughta be!”
So he loaded up the truck, and hired Bill Lacy.
(Campaign manager, that is. Seasoned guy. Worked for Dole.)

So soon it may be time to say bye to Fred and lovely Jeri,
Now that Fred’s a candidate, things are startin’ to get hairy,
He’s got to hit a home run in his very first debate,
Or he’ll have the shortest run of any candidate!
(Exceptin’ Tommy Thompson, that is. He hardly even set a spell.)

Y’all come back, now!