Lunacy. Plain and simple

startledcod

Please, please, pleeeeease tell me it isn't true.

Please tell me nobody was paid any money. Per-leeease.

If its true (yer jokin' ain't yer Rod) then its time for vigilantes and summary justice because people who take offence at non-racial jokes and those that award them compensation need to be taught the most serious lesson, we are talking capital not corporal.

If I might remind everyone that payment came from the public purse, the same purse that can't afford important things.

Despair, utter despair

Amanda Banana

'thousands of quid in compensation'

thousands of quid for what?

They say that life isn't fair. Was that witless, richer-now union rep setting out to prove it?

Craig Strachan

I am very offended. Can I have some money now, please?

Ron Todd

Not suprised that it was an union rep and not a real worker.

William Reid Boyd

Don't agree it's lunacy and I do think you are being insensitive.

I think Murray's point about the racist intent of the joke is valid but surfing the issue I gather the term 'Paddy' itself was complained about.

It's also the case isn't it that Murray has been reported to the Press Complaints Commission not for repeating the joke in the course of a blog about the proceedings originally brought against the councillor but because of inviting a whole series more of them on his blog?

I suppose the clinching argument is to enquire whether Murray would have similarly issued a call for jokes about Arabs or Israelis. I've read you similarly challenge those who claim they have the right stridently to portray Jesus Christ as gay (whatever) by enquiring whether they claim the same right for Muhammed. I can't remember the exact details but that was the sort thing.

Curiously BTW that wouldn't work for the Pope a pedo because Muhammed is regularly put down unchallenged for one (in blog comments especially) on the basis of his marriage to his child bride Aisha, not that European royalty (don't mention High Priests of Gaia and assorted dingbats of the same ilk) ever did anything of the sort themselves, and indeed Muslims in general are routinely so libelled, call it the abuse libel, as for example supported by the brilliant St. Mel of the Mail in her final blog in CS before winging off to her hols somewhere nice and hot and dead M and don't necessarily feel you have to come back too soon either.

The real issue here I feel for myself is why the union rep was awarded several thousand pounds compensation. I'm really curious about that and should like to see the reasoning behind the settlement but apparently that's not forthcoming and that is something to lament and where I suspect we would find evidence of lunacy were we allowed to enquire.

Lee Jakeman

It's mot lunacy at all. It's called MAKING MONEY.

And playing the race card just happens to be the best money-making racket that's going at the moment.

Short of cash? Find something to be "offended" about - then try your luck.

Eddie

Yes, Rod - it is UTTER madness but predictable. And even if this story is not true (I presume it is), there are plenty of other similar ones that are.

Sadly, the dumb Amendment to the Race Relations Act means someone can complain about 'racism' if their nationality is mocked or joked about - so legally any French/German/US person can do that too.

Also sadly, people seem to think a joke ABOUT race/nationality therefore must be racist or bigoted. Not true at all IMHO - sadly, all the stuffed shirts of councils, the education system, the BBC et al disagree (though it's OK to make jokes about white people and mock the white working class poor people of course, so long as they're white...)

But cheer up - it's going to get a lot worse! The new Equality Act - Harman's baby - comes into effect in October! It makes discriminating against white men in employment legal! Hoorah! And anyone who ever makes a joke or says anything negative about anyone's 'defined characteristic' (or a family member's) will get hammered! So humourously mentioning that your work colleague's uncle is a transvestite drag artists can get you sacked. Hoorah!

Ole Wossame

The nationality of the person depicted in the joke is not relevant to the punchline - it could simply have been a 'man in a bar'. It seems to me that anyone calling this an 'Irish Joke' is guilty of wilful false description - can I apply for compensation for this?

Cornish Lifeguard

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Cornishman are stranded on a desert Island.
The Englishman won't speak to the others because he hasn't been introduced.
The Irishman wants to start a fight because the Englishman is a snob.
The Cornishman makes a Bed & Breakfast sign.

Oedipus Rex

I'd heard about this a while back. It was the use of the word 'Paddy' that originally 'caused the offence' and ensuing compensation, but I don't remember the details. Since then I've been scouring the land ears pricked waiting for someone to say something 'offensive' about the English so I can claim compensation - I'm a bit short of dosh as ever...no joy yet.

These situations arise principally because of lawyers (and think of how many MPs have practiced as lawyers) and the courts making unjustified awards.

Surely the legal profession is laughing its head off all the way to the bank, which is more than could be said for anyone who's heard/read the joke.

The Irish joke, fairly common when I was a kid, seems to have disappeared completely in my neck of the woods, funnily enough.

Biggestaspidistra

You say its not very good but doesn't it have a Wittgenstein edge to it?

phil

Some time ago I asked an Irish friend ,what would be a polite way to great three other Irish guys when walking on to a golf tee.?--•""good morning you paddies"", he told me• Naive me did use those words and was greeted with very stern faces ,but when I told them what had happened and who was responsible ,tears of laughter ran down their faces .Those were the real Irish people,a race with a great sense of humour ,They enjoy the jokes when we laugh with them ,not at them .btw ,they are amongst the most educated and intelligent people I know .Douglas is far to sensible for too many idiots who dwell amongst us .

Don Birnam

When lunacy is the norm then anything else is madness. Up the revolution!

rod liddle

Incidentally, I notice on the original website where Douglas first talked about the case and solicited more Irish jokes, the moderator has (presumably retrospectively) removed almost all the jokes received. (You can tell because there are references in other posts to jokes which are no longer there).
But they haven't removed aby of the vitriolic and, I suppose, "racist" posts from infuriated Irish people calling the English pigs and murderers and thick and so on. It's very funny.

DougS

Eddie
August 14th, 2010 8:47am

"...Sadly, the dumb Amendment to the Race Relations Act means someone can complain about 'racism' if their nationality is mocked or joked about - so legally any French/German/US person can do that too...."

Jezza Clarkson is in deep doo doo!

Baron

Murray should have been reported because the joke ain’t funny.

An Englishman is visiting a Scottish friend who’s stripping wallpaper. ‘You decorating?, he asks. ‘No’, says the Scot, ‘moving house’.

OediPaddy Rex

Obviously it isn't racist as the Irish and British are the same race - celts, anglo-saxons, vikings, french normans and plenty of other roots all mixed into the pot with more recent additions.
If nationality is going to be considered 'racial' can we tell jokes about Catalans or Kurds since nationality is also ambiguous?

Reminds me of Billy Connolly (no Irish heritage there, surely?) in a stand up routine...

"There was two Eskimos called Sean and Seamus..."etc, etc

maddy1

The biggest Irish joke ever is the fact that there are thousands of beautiful lochs in Tipperary just made for iconic romany existence, and cooing Yanks yet they come over here overpaid,and undersexed to trash our green verges!

E Hart

It's droll and very Irish in its humour. In fact it could easily have come direct from Flann O'Brien (probably did).

Tarka the Rotter

Isn't 'Paddy' simply a diminutive of Patrick? (e.g. Paddy Maguire, a character in 'Shameless').

Occasional Ostrich

Funny, that: That's the sort of response I'd have considered making to such a question; It really stumps the other guy for an answer.

OK, so my sense of humour isn't great either.

But I'M Northern Irish!

Dixon

Heres the joke...William Reid Boyd, our resident empty glass!

John Steadman

Certainly lunacy, and genuinely, I believe, frightening.(That's "scarey" if you're a BBC presenter.)

David Nally

I bet the offended councillor was a Labour supporter, and the teller of the joke a Conservative. See it for what it is- a chance to use it as ammunition.(David Nally-a name originating in Co.mayo)

Fulcra 1537

Where's Peter Simple when you need him?

ferdi

what do you call an Englishman with half a brain? Gifted.

A. MacAulay

Lee Jakeman. I suggest we start a cottage industry by artfully insulting each others "ethnicity" so that we can then claim compensation for our hurt feelings. The winnings have to shared though to defray expenses.

As amongst us Scots there are no real put-down nicknames for the English as such, I shall simply call you an "Englishmen" which is the worst thing a Scotsman can call anyone. Now tell me how sad and forlorn you are and that you may now be suffering from a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I shall publicly apologise and Bob's yer uncle. I think there's a future in this for all of us and we can really make a load of money. (something very dear to my Scotch heart)

A. MacAulay

Besides, things only get really serious with the Paddies when you call them Micks!

Lungfish

Ah be Jeezuz Ferdi

Simon Stephenson

William Reid Boyd : 6.52am

Can you estimate for us the proportion of the professed level of offence that exists only because:-

1. There is an avenue through the courts to monetary compensation?

2. The minimum the courts will do is inflict damage/discomfort on the joke-teller that is out of all proportion to the damage/disconmort experienced by the recipient.

In other words, instead of the offence triggering the remedy, haven't we created a situation where the juiciness of the remedy is triggering the offence?

Seamus O'Shamrock

A MacAulay: "I suggest we start a cottage industry by artfully insulting each others "ethnicity" so that we can then claim compensation for our hurt feeling"

Bejaizus, Mac, Oi'll start by suing you so I will - you've caused me great distress just by mentioning word Englishman.

A. MacAulay

Got to roll with the punches Seamus. Besides if we get this to work you can re-finance some Irish Banks at the cost of the British taxpayer. Now that gets you thinking. Or what? Less work than pulling pints for tourists.

Baron

but the Irish do have a sense of humor: An inscription on a grave stone: If only the tree fell one way/and he jumped another/poor Pete Delaney/would still be with his mother.

Paddy O'comeonthisisbolloxstopthemadnessnow

I'm upset and would like some money please

Fergus Pickering

I see my joke didn't make it? Was it the mention of the Prophet? Perhaps it's just as well since I quite value my life.

Archie

My parents loved to tell the story of when they honeymooned in Ulster before the war, and their tour guide announced that they would be coming to a certain landmark shortly, unless they'd already passed it! (That must be worth a few hundred quid!)

Derek Pasquill

A man passes a picket and sees a trade union rep with a blank banner. "Can I get you another banner?" the man enquires.

"Well, what would I be wanting with another blank banner?" the union rep replies.

Eddie

BTW the BBC and (I think) the law (with the new equality act in October 2010) states that you ARE allowed to make jokes about race, nationality, gender, any 'defined characteristic' PROVIDED that you yourself are part of the group you are making a joke about.

So, Asians making jokes about Asians a la Goodness Gracious Me is fine. A white person making those jokes could be arrested and would never work for the BBC again.

And Irish persons can make jokes about Irish people too - but if you ain't a paddy, you're a racist!!! Ho hum...

Baron

Fergus Pickering @ 5.10:

find solace in the thought that you have the right to be sensitive to others.

the Americans: people who moved from barbarism to decadence without getting touched by civilisation.

Stuart Seacole Smith

It might not be the best joke ever, but it does at least raise a smile.

Which is more than can be said for possibly the unfunniest comedian ever to appear on television anywhere, which is unarguably Russell Howard. Naturally, the comedy wonks at the BBC have awarded this dweeb his own show.

Mr Lungfish

Is Russell Howard that sanctimonious little turd on Mock the Week?

Old Slaughter

Q: What is green and has 200 eyes?

A: A tree in Pakistan.

Complain about that.

Stuart Seacole Smith

Mr Lungfish: yep, that's the slimy weasel I'm talking about.

Baron

Is Russel Howard the young blonde cretin who used to sit mostly on the right on MTW line-up? When I used to watch the thing, I’ve never failed to switch to another channel when the camera homed on him.

I didn’t realise he’s got his own slot, another powerful reason to get rid of the licence fee then, and sharpish.

Dixon

Jon Thompson has a great Irish joke:

"There was an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman in a bar...what a lovely picture that is of communal harmony!"

Joe Strummer

Has anyone in the UK ever been arrested and charged for anti-British racism ? Is that even classified as a criminal offence ? There could be a nice few quid in compo out there just waiting to be collected....

Eddie

Joe - certainly people have been questioned by the police about anti-Welsh or anti-Scottish comments (Clarkson, Ann Robbo). What a great use of police time that is! So glad there aren't any real criminals and muggers on our streets to occupy police time...

Interesting point though: it seems an immigrant or anyone from our 'diverse and vibrant communities which enrich us all always' can disparage, mock, belittle, demean, abuse, insult and be bigoted against the British culture and people - but if that meanness is reciprocated, the person who does that is liable to get into trouble for racism!

Perhaps those people who are supposed to sort stuff like this out can do something about this surreal absurdity. What are they called now. Mmmm. Oh yes, politicians...

However, the new (mad) 'equality' act comes into force later this year, so you won't be able to criticise anyone's religion now too, or any 'defining characteristic' about them or their family/friends... Lots of fun expected...

Joe Strummer

Eddie - Most likely anyone arrested or charged with anti-British racism would be suing the police for compensation due to his " human rights" to free -speech being breached. Ably backed up by an army of leeching lawyers, of course........

Eddy Current

How long before commercials start appearing on daytime TV?

'Have you been called a witless Irish Mick at work etc etc-- if so you may be entitled to etc etc'

Stuart Seacole Smith

Saw the Iraqi weather report today. Apparently it's partly sunni, but mainly shiite.

Barry

Eddie: ".....you ARE allowed to make jokes about race, nationality, gender, any 'defined characteristic' PROVIDED that you yourself are part of the group you are making a joke about."

My grandfather was Jewish. How many credits does that earn? Can I make jokes about people who are also one quarter Jewish, but no more?

I need to know where I stand on this.

Diomalco

Many years ago I was helping ut at a stall serving tea and coffee and an Irishman asked me, "Could I have two cups of tea in the flask please, one without sugar?" He next said, "No wonder everyone thinks the Irish are thick!"

This was not a manufactured gag - it really happened as several people at the time standing there with Gammidge type cartoon faces could testify. Is this worth a few bob or do only fictions qualify ?

wrinkled weasel

Mr Lungsfish,

"Is Russell Howard that sanctimonious little turd on Mock the Week?"

You will have to be a bit more specific than that; Mock the Week has a surfeit of SLTs. Since Frankie Boyle left its been left in the hands of people who think calliing David Cameron a "Toff" is the cutting edge of satire.

Lungfish

I wouldn't say that Hugh Dennis was a SLT though.

AngloWelshDragon

Russell Howard is the unfunny blonde one with more teeth than his mouth was built to contain.

MikeF

Eddie - 'A white person making those jokes could be arrested and would never work for the BBC again.'

They would if they were Stephen ('The Poles are to blame')Fry, Jo Brand or Billy Bragg since in their case it would either be just ignored or written off as 'anti-racist' irony.

But if they were, for instance, Carol Thather then....

Paddy Seacole

Here's Paddy Condell's take:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZmxMlSTETo&playnext=1&videos=ace4zAEuIEM&feature=sub

Dapplegrey

I live in England and was born and educated here. I speak with an English accent. However, I have got an Irish passport. Where would I stand under the Equality Bill if I were to make an Irish joke?

Brad Taylor

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream; if you live in Pakistan, you'll need a submarine.

Oedipaki Rex

A conundrum:

'A very old Muslim woman goes to see her Imam. She is, of course, hidden under her niqab but she is in fact known to be very ugly. She has never married. She asks the Imam for a very special favour. "Imam, I have lived a pure and honourable life and I know I am very close to death. Imam, I beg of you one thing - please could we have full sexual intercourse, preferably right now?" The Imam looks totally shocked and replies "What on earth has come over you? Why are you asking me this?"
The woman then says "I'm close to death and am likely to die a virgin - it's just the frightening thought of going to heaven and being shagged by all those suicide bombers..!!"'

So: if I told this joke down the pub - and someone overhead it and was 'offended' to the point of taking legal action - could I be pulled up for it? (I am not 'part of the same group')

But also because I read it, or a close version, in an article by Shazia Mirza (a Brummie/Paki Comedienne) who IS 'part of the same group'.

How would our up and coming idiots law deal with that?

Hysteria

the GREAT thing about the British is the self deprecating humour - an understated subtle rejection of the madness of the world we find ourselves in.

And now the lawyers are involved...? truly we are stuffed......

John Walter

Douglas Murray faces weightier risks more than the ire of the PCC when he states he's "offended by very fat people".
As we all know these unfortunate souls are either gentically pre-disposed to adiposity, or victims of unhappiness, uncontrollable greed, or simply like sitting on two seats at the same time.
No doubt the single-issue group representing this increasing minority is even now composing a omplaint.

Fergus Pickering

g for you, Rod old fruit. Just to report again that I can't comment on any of the current thrads. Someone ought to see tp it.

anna

I LOVE this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZmxMlSTETo&feature=sub

Herbert Thornton

A politically correct person walks into what appears to be a bar and discovers that every other person there is expressing politically incorrect opinions.

The politically correct person is so distressed and offended by this that the politically correct person complains to the local political correctness enforcement authority, which then decrees that each of the politically incorrect people present in the bar pay several thousand pounds compensation to the complainant.

In fact it was not a bar, but a lunatic asylum.

Legal question - is the award nonetheless enforceable?

Kepha

An ultra-nationalistic Irish-american priest, Father O'Malley, never fail to say something nasty about the "hated Saxon" in his sermons. But when he retires, O'Malley learns that the next priest is going to be an Englishman. The bishop, an Hispanic, then informs O'Malley to refrain from his characteristic English-baiting in his farewell sermon.

On his last Sunday, Father O'Malley says,

"Me frriends, today I'm going to till you about the last supper. Jaysus had all of his dishiples geythered tigither and sais, 'Before tonight is over, I know that one of ye is going to betray me for sure.' Then Judas ups and he says, 'Gor Blimey, t'ain't me, is it, Governor?'"

Baron

Dapplegrey @ 8.35 asks: ‘I live in England and was born and educated here. I speak with an English accent. However, I have got an Irish passport. Where would I stand under the Equality Bill if I were to make an Irish joke?’

easy to find out.

walk into any large police station, ask for the Chief Constable, tell him a juicy Irish joke, then see what happens.

Lungfish

Baron, Dapplegrey would probably be fine as long as he wasn't within earshot of some of the characters queuing at the front desk!.

cg

An Irishman walks into the deed pol office and says "I want to change my name". Office Assistant says "what is your current name" and Irishman replies "Patrick Shithouse". Office Assistant asks "What do you want to change it to?" Irishman says "Michael".

Baron

Lungfish @ 7.53:

are you implying that without the ever present alertness of the middleman, whoops, middleperson, always conscious of the duties placed upon a member of our loving, caring, upset-me-not, multy-culty society things would be fine?

you may well be right, you know.

so, where do they breed them, or is one born with the ability to get offended financially advantaged?

ps: living as you do in and out of water, noticed any changes in the sea level lately? The tree ring proxy seems out of fashion, the mankind needs desperately another prove that it’s about to perish unless we all change bulbs or whatever. Let us know, will you.

Snowman

cg @ 9.23:

good one, better than my favorite so far of an Irishman who gives up on an attempt to cross the Atlantic on a plank. He cannot find one long enough.

Geoff M

"An Irishman walks into the deed pol office and says "I want to change my name". Office Assistant says "what is your current name" and Irishman replies "Patrick Shithouse". Office Assistant asks "What do you want to change it to?" Irishman says "Michael"."

Where's the joke?
"Patrick Michael" is certainly better than "Patrick Shithouse".

Oedipus Rex

Since it is genuinely impossible to be 'hurt' by a joke, why can't the council in Kent pursue the plastic paddy in question, as with the character here:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-who-sued-councils-over-falls-charged-with-fraud-2059718.html

@cg

With 'jokes' like that you make yourself a, um, laughing stock - a joke, in other words.

Lungfish

Don't know about the sea levels Baron but I can't help noticing that its been pretty much pissing it down all August. Where is the main procrastinator anyhow ?- sunning it up in far off lands I expect, I'v heard he has a condo in Dubai.

daustins

In America men have been reported for sexual harassment for telling a woman that she looks good. And not with a leer either. One learned not to tell a woman anything at all other than the strictest business.

Fortunately some of this lunacy has faded in the last decade and a half and I can tell a woman that she does indeed look pretty on a day when she does. Or on a day when she needs to feel pretty.

hadrian

Hurrah! One can only tell jokes against one's own pedigree. Well, as a Scot,Irish,English, Cornish,mongrel I feel curiously emancipated to tell lots of 'ethnic' tomfoolery.
Like the two Irishmen walking along the road and Paddy suddenly stops Mick and says Will ye look at thait! What an age to live to- 107! And what's his name? asks Mick. Why, Miles to London, replies Paddy.

Baron

Oedipus Rex @ 1.15 takes an amusingly judgmental stance on the quality of cg’s joke: ‘with 'jokes' like that you make yourself a, um, laughing stock - a joke, in other words’, he states without blushing.

OK then Rexi, display your politically correct boldness, give us an example of what you regard as a good joke, you smarty arse.

a parish church tombola, the winner of the top prize can choose three hymns. A woman wins it, looks around and says ‘I’ll have him, him and him’.

Oedipus Rex

@ Baron
fair enough old chap, just scroll back through the thread - call me PC? I don't mind but, but maybe shows that that you're unable to read the subtleties of the English language - hey, let's have some jokes about the slavs! Why not? Eh?

Baron

Oedipus Rex @ 12.36:

am glad you didn’t take badly the facinorous kick from the boot of a poorly educated Slav. My referring to your PCness was only in regard the cg’s joke critique of yours, you know, the rest of your contribution to the world’s wisdom fits you firmly into the category of the sane, and I do mean it.

am in favour of any Slav joke that goes. You know any? The best I can offer comes from the infamous Austrian corporal who compared the Czechs to cyclists: Bent above the waist, but peddling like hell down below. Makes any sense to you?

in Russia they used to, and most probably still have, jokes of the ‘Yerevan radio’s asked’ sort. Here’s an old sample from the time I resided there: Yerevan radio’s asked if meat that has appeared in Moscow will also appear in other USSR cities., towns and villages The radio replies: ‘Yes, it will, it’s a travelling exhibition, the next stop’s Leningrad’. You reckon any good?

Steve Tierney

Yes, its a madness.

Fergus Pickering

cg, hetre is a better version of the joke, limericked by Bob Conquest:

Tkere was a young fellow called Shit,
A name he disliked quite a bit,
So he changed it to Shite,
A step in the right
Direction, one has to admit.

Baron

isn’t Liddle a teeny touch slovenly on his blogging output? How many responses does he think he can milk from an event that’s as common as common does. The guy next door keeps plugging on gallantly defending ‘the ones whose grievances we haven’t yet addressed’ (copyright MS), the witty one takes ten days squeezing out about a dozen sentences at a time.

As Steve Tierny @ midday says: yes, it’s madness.

Carl

Mock the Week should really be called "Mock the Weak" to forewarn viewers of the participants.

patricia

Douglas Murray is the best joke.

Snowman

Fergus, two more from the multi-talented American:

a usage that’d seldom got right/is when to say shit and when shite/and many a chap/will fall back on crap/which is vulgar, evasive, and trite.

and

there was a clockmaster of Lyme/whose balls had a very sweet chime/and when he set his cock/for seven o’clock/it always got up dead on time.

Priceless.

Baron

patricia @ 3.50:

but usually you talk to plankton, is that it?

Herbert Thornton

This was told to me by an Irishman -

Two Irish yokels are moving their horse & cart from a field on one side of a road to the field on the opposite side.

They pause the horse & cart for moment in the middle of the road so that they can close the gate behind them and open the gate in front of them.

While they are doing this, a huge limousine doing 100mph comes roaring along the road. The driver sees the obstruction too late to brake.

So, without slowing down, he drives the limousine through the field hedge, into the field in front of the horse and cart, and then, a little further along, through the hedge again & back onto the road - and roars off into the distance.

The two yokels are now back on their cart in the second field. One turns to the other.

"So help me Michael, that was a narrow escape we had there."

"Yes indeed Patrick, so it was. It makes the blood run cold, so it does."

"And what a good thing it was, that we took so long to open and close those gates." they both agree - "If we had crossed the road only a bit faster than we did, WE AND OUR HORSE AND CART WOULD ALL HAVE BEEN IN THAT FIELD..."

Fergus Pickering

Re the great Conquest. Buy the book! 108 limericks, all good. It is called 'A Garden of Erses' by Jeff Chaucer.

Charlotte Bronte said, 'Wow, sisters, what a man!
He laid me face down on the ottoman.
Now don't you and Emily
Go telling the femily,
But he smacked me upon my bare bottom, Anne.'

Finbarr

This ones for northerners only:

There was a young lady from France
who got on a bus in a trance
Everyone -----d her except the conductor
But he came twice in his pants.

trevor

Baron - (intellectually for sure)

Patricia is bang on the money.

Murray is a Pollard/Phillips cross. Part time pseudo think tank 'director' in search of credibility, part time BBC placebo to the far right lunatic fringe, part time spokesman for the Israeli ultra right.

Baron

Rod, has hebetation begun setting in, or are you hitting the ….. what you call it?

Trevor @ 1.29:

you sure?

Ed P

You're wasting precious words: the witless idiot of a union rep = a union rep.

Asif Itmataz

Go on then, if it's Limericks we're at:

There was a copper from Clapham Junction
Whose penis did cease to function
For the rest of his life, he fooled his wife
Using snot on the end of his truncheon

Fergus Pickering

Asif, your limerick dosn't scan. It could be made to do so but at present it simply isn't a limerick.

There's a raunchy young fellow called Liddle
Who tells me that seventy quid'll
Buy a chance to have scored
With a bowler named Broad.
Not a chance! He plays straight down the middle.

You se how it's done.

liked to play straight down the middle

Richard of Moscow

From Russia:
Under a full moon, in a graveyard on the outskirts of Moscow, the corpses of two Georgian men come to life and emerge from their graves.
"Yes, we're alive again! What shall we do?" - says one.
"We'll go into the centre of Moscow, to a Georgian restaurant. We'll eat georgian food, drink Georgian wine, dance a Lezginka, meet Georgian women..." - says his friend.
"Great idea!" so the first Georgian sets off, but after five minutes notices his friend is 100 yards behind, struggling to walk as he's carrying the huge headstones from their graves.
"What the heck are you doing?"
"Well, if we're going into the centre, we'd better take our documents."

Richard of Moscow

By the way, is Rod on holiday in Austria?
I was going to go there, till I found out they really do lock up their daughters.

Janet

Asif and Fergus,

The version I know goes:
A policeman from Lewisham Junction
Had long been unable to function
He spent much of his life
In deceiving his wife
By the dexterous use of his truncheon

Bob Sagat

This lunacy is not just madness; it is A madness...

Asif Itmataz

Janet

Yours suffers from the absence of 'snot'.

Fergus

My art is unable to breath under the blanket of pedantry you cast. Be gone varlet.

Adam Pike

An Irishman walks into a bar... ooohf. Ouch.

Fergus Pickering

You haven't GOT any art, Asif. Artless. Jane could have put in the snot, but she preferred not to. Snotless. A limerick without scansion is a joke without point. Pointless.

Greenslime

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walked into a bar.

The barman said, "Is this some sort of joke?"

Snukes the Paddy

well Rod, seems you are showing the same insensitivity as the witless councillor. The term 'Paddy' - thanks to countless generations of insensitive british juveniles - is a seriously derogatory term. Like other terms which I assume I dont have to repeat.
Now you & I both know that 'a rose by any other name, etc., etc.' but thats not the point.
The point is the person who considers that the term may be applied to them is already put in the position of being a child of a lesser God.
So its how the person who said it, meant it; it is how the person who heard felt it (if that isnt too irish a way to put it).
You are probably to young to even remember, but that is not an excuse.
But the money bit is a farce - that I agree

Asif Itmataz

Fergus Pickering

I don't think you've quite got the hang of this, have you?

Dixon

Still no Liddler.

I ll tell you what lunacy is. Your "cartoonist". Where are his jokes? There arent any "punchlines". No point to them at all in fact. And who draws those awful "caricatures" that look nothing whatsoever like the people they are supposed to depict? And why are they on the cover?

bohodotcom

This country still needs much deBaathification... it's early days... but let's hope this kind of thing is history before long.

Chet Carter

Rod - on a different subject but Irish related. Now that Blair has come out as an admirer of Bono, what do you think of them getting together and forming a supergroup? Harvey Goldsmith presents THE THIRD WAY messianic stadium rock fronted by Bono and Blair, Christian Rock's answer to Lennon and McCartney, special guests Bill Clinton on sax and George 'Bongo' Bush on drums. It could be the soundtrack album to the invasion of Iran.

daniel maris

MY ENTRY FOR THE LIDDLE LIMERICK COMPETITION

There was a cat-hater called Liddle
Who got cross when a cat did a piddle
On his very expensive decking
So he broke its neck 'n'
Used its guts to string his old fiddle.

Jonathan Bagley

I agree with your smoking and eating sentiments, but Austria, although enjoying a life expectancy higher than us, doesn't have the highest in Europe. Globally, after Macau and Andorra, the Japanese live longest. Is this a clue to why?

"The cost of a packet of Japanese cigarettes will increase by £1.09 to around £3.10, prices, which while still cheaper than many other countries, have come as a shock to Japanese smokers." DT today.