A poem for the Met

Slim Jim

Of course, the Met will find it difficult to find the time to versify - they're far too busy looking after foreign criminals we can't (sorry won't) deport, or trying to sort out the Murdoch press. What people like Denise don't seem to realise is that they have a job that people tend to ignore. It doesn't make them go away though...but we ought to ignore them. The trouble is Rod, you aren't really celebrating, are you? You will be struck off!

Dispossessed Snapper

All to the tune of 'My Favourite Things'.

Excellent.

Slim Jim

About 10 years ago, I was working at a Civil Service establishment. The head of the Human Remains Department was tasked with 're-educating' the staff, as the equalities and diversity agenda was taking off. There was much guff about 'Values' and 'Celebrating Diversity', and this muppetry even included floor stickers and metal signposts scattered throughout the premises like dogshit. The problem was, the vast majority of the staff were insulted with the infantile approach. Didn't they have 'values'? Did they not treat others with respect? Of course they did, and due to lack of popular support, the initiative withered on the vine. Unfortunately, the muppets that promulgate this politically correct bollocks just don't care if it has support; they carry on regardless. It's always year zero on their planet.

call me dave

google images "denise milani"

In2minds

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough?
No! Not since the diverse tribes arrived
It's wrong to talk and tweet that now
Paul Chambers did and only just survived.

Matthew Blott

Oh what a card you are Rod, Richard Littlejohn couldn't have done it better.

M B

Dixon of Dock Green is turning in his grave

Frank P

You've got my vote for first prize, Rod; that cannot be bettered. Can we have a video of you collecting it please?

ann c

You are joking, Rod, aren't you? I suspected our dear leaders had long since lost the plot, but this really takes it off into Alice in Wonderland. (Love your poetic contribution to the lunacy, though).

ann c

call me dave - did what you said; Denise Milani -hmm ... now even more convinced Rod is pulling our legs with this one!

John

Nice one!They only used to pull this kind of blatant propaganda stunt,with it's stress on conformity of thought and social control in post war
Communist states.Oh well, we were once a free country.Mind the race Stazi dont get you.

fergus pickering

Not bad at all, Rod. Scansions all to fuck, but you could get someone like Simon Armitage to fix that. Not, of course, that the plods would know. The last poet there was John Arlott.

Jeremy

One for the anthologies, Rod.

The only word I would have dropped is 'away':

A fat lady from Lagos looking quite glum

With five kilos of gak stashed up her bum.

Austin Barry

Those were the days of
Richardsons and Krays
Of Mohair suits and old Cockney mums
and over familiarity with
Lords Driberg’s and Boothby’s bums

But now it’s all muggings and
multicultural crime
and the magic of Great Train Robberies
disappears in the vibrancy slime.

Austin Barry

Rod

You have my vote for next Poet Laureate.

James Healey

South London white slag who must call you “bruv”
And live in a hovel, the walls lined with scuzz
Hoarse sounding women who want to be chaps
Estonian squatters shit-faced on Schnapps

African gangsters with street names like “Streaker”
Yet tend to rob women, because they are weaker
Fascists, lefties, 'elf 'n' safety beserkers
Heroin addicts, and all manner of shirkers

Benefit scroungers with many a malady
Who tell you “be nice” my tax pays your salary
Victims of crime, happy to make a report
But cannot be arsed to turn up at court

Chinese illegals selling fake DVDs
Rude Asian people who never say please
Self-harming losers, drunks covered in piss
Yardies who shoot yardies and yet always miss

Everyone involved in the drafting of PACE
Wife beating Muslims demanding respect for their faith
Members of Liberty; any “Lib-tard”
Football supporters who think they are hard

As London is sunk under ever more crime
For Diversity, the MET always has time
Vigorously pursuing any hate-crime fueled plot
Whilst the public despairs of the whole bloody lot

And in case you are pondering the point of my verse
It's to prove my commitment to all things diverse
As a modern MET copper, PC and pious
I hate all the above – equally - and without bias

Amanda

Excellent, Rod! Glad to see that you threw yourself, brains, guts and all, into the spirit of the thing. It wouldn't do to second-guess and raise inconvenient yes-buts.

Amanda

One tiny point, though: Did anyone absolutely spell out what KIND of diversity? I mean, does it have to be diversity of PEOPLE in the great city? Because if they didn't specify, I'd like to enter my little jingle about dog turds on pavements and cars' broken windows.

Amanda

Anyone can write in praise of beauty; but as your entry acknowledges, a truly diverse society is one with rough edges and shabbiness, too. No, my poem does not mention Chris H_hne. I still think it ought to be considered, though.

Ricky G

Excellent Rod...so spot on you might even me a Met Cop

martin alexander

Excellent Rod...Your poem says it all really.... Martin

Herbert Thornton

Rod that was first rate. If Verity gets her way and Britain starts to elect its Chiefs of Police, your verse ought to guarantee your being returned with a big majority.

In2minds - I enjoyed your effort, but I suggest the last line would scan better if it read -

"Paul Chambers did and barely survived."

In2minds

Amanda - The world is waiting for your poem about dog turds.

walker

A politicised police force is a threat to our democracy.The police force is there only to enforce the law dispationately not to engage in tendentious politically correct posturing.Peter Hitchens calls our police a bunch of uniformed social workers.The statistics certainly show they have a poor record with respect to protecting the public compared with other western countries.

Amanda

Jeremy: Yours is missing something. May I suggest the word 'away'?

Balloons88

thanks 'callmedave'
girlfriend walked in just as google images came up.
sunday ruined.

Walker

A superb piece which says it all about our ineffective ,politicised, pollically correctly posturing police force.They should concertante on doing their job of impartially protecting the public.

john miller

You sure there's just the one prize Rod?

Looks like she's capable of at least one more...

Peter Tulloch

Here is the Denise Milani in question:

http://www.newbold.ac.uk/article.php?id=361

Tim R

Peter Tulloch
Thanks for the link - how absolutely depressing but it at least shows where this hogwash comes from that Rod found for us

Amanda

In2minds: Thank you, but I shall have to disappoint about the dog turds. The actual poem makes no mention of them. Will you be satisfied with this?

Dog-piss in snow-drifts

and mould in the coffee,

roadkill for breakfast

and yoghurt like toffee;

snot on a t-shirt

and singer's spit strings:

these are a few of my favourite things!"

Amanda

And on this subject of diversity, where is Eddie? I've been missing his love notes.

Amanda, your poem is delightful, by far the best to have appeared on this thread.

In2minds

@Herbert Thornton - Yes it's better with your correction.

@Amanda - And thank you too.

Eddie

Amanda Lovenkiss - Eddie is here, never fear.

However, if I tell you that so many mediocre women leapfrog over better men because of 'postive action' and 'gender equality measures' as part of the diversity fetish, then you'll only get het up and start calling me a woman-hater.

I am of course merely an observor of the massive sexism against men in our society and a supporter of appointment on merit alone.

Of course, the world of HR and 'diversity' is very female dominated: two thirds of those working for the Equality Commission are female, for example. The BBC head of diversity is a black woman too. Seems a criterion for the job these days.

Maddy1

Any chance of a poetry competition for our immigrants highlighting the sacrifices made by PC Blakelock and PC. Fletcher?

meta physical

james healey
u got it really
u get respect
whatever dialect

fergus pickering

PCs Fletcher and Blakelock did not make sacrifices. They were killed in the course of duty. Making a sacrifice implies that you knowingly give something up, in this case your life.

Amanda, it was me wot liked your poem

MikeF

Some thoughts on Rod's article in the manner of Benjamin Zepaniah:

Oh hey diddle-diddle,
Dat cat Rod Liddle,
He all uptight,
Is it cos he’s white,
He think de cult of diversitee,
Have malign effects on societee,
So he use verse to vent his spleen,
An let us know what he really mean,
He don’t like it all one bit,
In fact he think it a pile of ****,
Jus mugging an robbin an thievin an crime,
By people who complain all de time,
Dat dey are de real victims in dis case,
Cos of de prejudice dey encounter on account of der race,
Which means der culture is not respected,
An so dey get all dejected,
An der actions are just der assertion,
Of der rightful place in a multi-cultural nation.

Frazer

Brilliant

Hexhamgeezer

Welcome black yellow brown, all beyond the pale
Welcome diverse criminality and morals for sale
Vibrant, elastic, our laws have become
So hard to enforce our Job’s never done...

Blind eyes, desk views, withdraw from the riot
Somali, Albanian, all welcome – come try it!
No questions asked mate and go on your way
“Illegal? What fun Sir! And have a nice day”
Fraudster, drug dealer, kidnapper and rapist
“Mind how you go Sir and watch out for them Racists”

Amanda

Fergus: Oh thanks, I was wondering who the mystery man was. Thought it unlikely to be a woman. The females on this website don't seem to like me.

DougS

Great poem Rod but I don't think it would even get a top three spot - too close to the truth!

John.

fergus pickering: What makes you think that knowingly giving something up doesn't constitute making a sacrifice? If given up unknowingly, then it obviously isn't one. It seems you've got it the wrong way round to me.

MMcG

You've cheered my day up no end.

Matt

The next Poet Laureat perhaps

Amanda

The question of what sacrifice is, and what are its just rewards (if any), is an interesting poser for the philosophic.

Radical Rodent

This is very good - but, I suspect that this is not quite what "the Met’s Head of Diversity, a nice lady called Denise Milani" had in mind.

neodsa

Get the met choir singing it to the tune of " my favorite things"

Alison Weston

Love it - says it all

Clare

MikeF:
February 20th, 2012 1:34pm

Inspired.

john

very true

Verity

Dispossessed Snapper - "All to the tune of 'My Favourite Things'."

Wow! No flies on you, Sherlock!