Britain’s Muslims at Alton Towers
Wednesday, 5th July 2006
I am beginning to think that Islam’s lord of misrule, the Dajjal — He who will bring about the final conflagration and darkness and cause a great stench to emanate from the earth — has taken up an administrative post at the Alton Towers leisure facility.
On 17 September this year Alton Towers is to be handed over to the Muslims for a day. There will, therefore, be no music, no gambling and of course no alcohol. The rides will be segregated between men and women and your usual ten quid botulo-burger’n’fries will be prepared in accordance with halal practice. There will be prayer mats scattered around, so that you can give thanks to Allah for not having been thrown head first out of the big dipper. Who knows — perhaps they will adapt some of the rides for the day: maybe the chamber of horrors will be full of Hasidic Jews wreathed in sinister smiles.
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