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An affair to remember

Tuesday, 18th September 2007

I was sent this Bar Mitzvah invite the other day. It's no doubt spurious, but it's nonetheless got elements of the truth about it:

It is with great stress, emotional and physical fatigue
and incredible financial sacrifice beyond comprehension,
that we invite you to join us as our wonderful son

Jacob Adam
is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah.

Saturday, May 12th - (yes we realize its Mother's Day Weekend)
Temple Israel, 14 Coleytown Road, Westport , Connecticut 06880
at the ungodly hour of 9 am (even though you don't really need to be there until 10:20am to catch the real action).

If you make it through the 3 hour service, please skip the kiddush
(its just cookies and cake) and join us instead for the ostentatious evening meal (Kosher, my husband's idea), which starts at 7 PM
(not 8 PM or you will miss out on the 2000 canapes).

Birchwood Country Club, 25 Kings Hwy S, Westport, CT 06880
(which we had to join just for this event and
you would not believe the initiation fees)

Please have the courtesy of showing up if you RSVP that you are attending,
or you will be billed for $210.00 a plate if you are a no-show.

Please RSVP as soon as you get this and not the day before the cut-off date.
I can't take the stress.

The gift of choice is either green, or contains a routing and account number.

Hope you can make it! Lisa and David Miller

Dress: Black Tie optional

Theme: 007 James Bond Kippot and Matching Eye Patch will be provided

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Lee Jakeman

September 18th, 2007 10:12am

This invite is very up to date. It captures the cynicism of our times better than a Neil Clark blog entry.

Joshua

September 18th, 2007 1:18pm

I wonder if that's the same Lisa and David Miller who were engaged in 1992 (yes, I'm well aware that this is a spoof). From the New York Times: "ENGAGEMENTS; Lisa Ann Levy And David Miller. Dr. and Mrs. Norman Levy of New Rochelle, N.Y., have announced the engagement of their daughter Lisa Ann Levy to David Samuel Miller, the son of Dr. and Mrs. Frederick Miller of Stony Brook, L.I. A December wedding is planned. Ms. Levy, 29 years old, is an associate at the New York law firm of Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen & Hamilton, as is her fiance. She graduated from the University of Virginia and received a J.D. degree from Columbia University. Her father is a psychiatrist at the Westchester County Medical Center in New Rochelle. Mr. Miller, 27, graduated summa cum laude from the University of Pennsylvania, where he was elected to Phi Beta Kappa, and also received a law degree from Columbia. His father is chairman of the department of pathology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook."