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The awful West End

Friday, 17th October 2008

Mrs P and I went to see Piaf last night, lured by the rave reviews and the fact it stars Elena Roger as Piaf. Maybe something was lost in the move from the Donmar to the Vaudeville, but it was so awful we walked out.

The play itself was beyond awful, but some of the reviews had said this wasn't a problem - the point of it was to see Ms Roger as Piaf. But it was so cringe-making in its cliched writing, constant use of 'fuck' to be oh-so-daring, and hilariously bad dialogue that we both found it impossible to separate her performance from what was happening around her. (And that includes the truly dreadful acting of the rest of the cast - you see better acting on Coronation Street than the rubbish we witnessed.)

But that's by the by. Worse than anything was the theatre itself. It's far from an original point, but the West End - generally - is truly awful. For some reason the theatre didn't open until fifteen minutes before curtain up last night, so the foyer became an unbearable crush. I suspec this was a deliberate ploy to boost the bar takings, as there were repeated announcements that the bars were open and people could escape the crush in them.

The theate was like a sauna, stank of urine and sewage, and had seats with covers which had been so worn down over the years that it felt like sitting on a bench.

Guess how much I paid for this privilege? £48.50 for each seat. Beyond belief really. More fool me.

When I go to the theatre in NYC it's like entering a different world. The owners invest in their properties and the seats are comfortable. And - a little thing, this, but important - they hand out free Playbills, so no one has to be ripped off even more for a programme.

I hate the West End. I wish I could stop wanting to go to the theatre.

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Spencer de Vere

October 17th, 2008 10:09am

Definitely not a case of "No Regrets". You're having a bad trot, Stephen. Firstly, the golliwog horror.....now you're P-offed at Piaf.

George Kronfli

October 17th, 2008 12:33pm

"hate the West End. I wish I could stop wanting to go to the theatre."

Oh poor thing! But you are so "cultured", you must go. You poor tortured dear.

Fabio P.Barbieri

October 17th, 2008 3:13pm

I remember when, lured by universally positive reviews, I brought a relative visiting from abroad to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. By the end of the play, I was in a rage, and I also felt the need to apologize to my guest for the travesty he had suffered and paid for. From then on, I have never believed a single London theatre review.

dearieme

October 19th, 2008 8:51pm

Last time we went to a W End theatre was a warm evening in September a few years ago. We queued briefly to buy our tickets and said to the boy "Do you have air-conditioning?". "Yes" he said loudly. Then he dropped his voice "But it won't be switched on". We left.

Austin Barry

October 21st, 2008 6:28pm

"The theatre was like a sauna, stank of urine and sewage, and had seats with covers which had been so worn down over the years that it felt like sitting on a bench."

Stephen, spot on, most Londoners can replicate the experience by staying home.