Delicious. Simply delicious.

One would have to have a heart of stone to read of the break up of Respect without laughing.

Trots breaking into factions? Whoever heard of that?

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I got my atonement in early after all

So, Mrs-P-to-be suggested we see Atonement, and off we trotted. Despite my remarks on Monday, I went with an open mind. There are few better pleasures than unexpected pleasures, and I hoped this would be one of those.

If only. As I write, the film is still playing at the Phoenix. We, however, are at home having a drink. I felt a sense of torpor almost immediately, brought on by the languid photography, the portentous music, the lingering shots, and the - there's really no other way of putting it - dreadful acting. The characters - caricatures, rather - were uniformly dull. 

Early on, Mrs-P-to-be whispered to me: "it's very...beautiful". I wasn't sure if she was being complimentary or pointing out that that is all it was. I found out after about three quarters of an hour that we were on the same wavelength when she said: "It's boring, isn't it?" When I nodded, she asked if I wanted to leave. I asked if she did. "Yes", she replied, as if released from a dreadful burden.

And so here I am, writing this, as the film is still running.

It has to be one of the worst films I have ever seen, given that it takes itself so seriously and so comprehensively fails to achieve any of its intentions.

I have no idea what happened to the characters after we left, and I really couldn't care less - which is, of course, why we left. The whole thing was utterly uninvolving, so we uninvolved ourselves from it.

(It was a wonderful revelation to me a few years ago that one could actually leave a play or a film if it was bad. I used to endure the whole thing, as if obligated to stick it out by having bought a ticket. But who wants to waste one's life watching rubbish? The solution is simple. If it's no good: leave.)

As for Keira Knightley, I just don't get it. She's no more attractive than half the women one sees walking down the high street. And all she seems capable of doing is to pout, in a rather purposeless, vacant stare.

As Clive wondered: why on earth has it had such near-universal raves?

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Emile Heskey - an apology

I appear to have suggested that Emile Heskey was a

lumbering, useless waste of football space

(I haven't actually seen the Russia game, it being Rosh Hashanah. The press seem in agreement that it really was an impressive performance. Fingers crossed we keep it up.)

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Magnetic appeal...not

I think Tamzin Lightwater best sums up the electoral appeal of Project Cameron:

V annoying call from Labour Party Bev. ‘So, to recap, you’re going to charge people for going to the supermarket, supertax their holidays and fine them for watching their own televisions. While we are going to cut taxes, boost business and clamp down on immigrants. And people are going to vote Tory because ...?’

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We need you

Can you come here, please. Please!

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Happy new year!

Shana Tova to all my readers for whom it means anything!

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How Matt ‘Stir’ Frei turned my stomach

I have a piece in today's Times on the BBC's coverage of Gen Petraeus' report. Here's an extract:

It was Matt Frei that put me right. On Monday afternoon I watched General David Petraeus testify before Congress. I listened as he went through the facts of the military action in Iraq. I learnt as he outlined the improvements brought about in recent months.

But it wasn’t until I heard Frei’s take on General Petraeus’s words that I realised what had really been going on. The BBC Washington correspondent told us that he had listened “very carefully” – as opposed to his usual half-cocked approach, perhaps? – and gleaned what was actually being said: “Having tried to resist the fragmentation, the creeping partition, ethnic cleansing, the White House now seems to have bowed to that.”

Forget the reams of pages and the hours of testimony about military strategy and dealing with terrorists. The real story of the general’s report is that the White House is to start ethnically cleansing Iraqis.

Frei is also possessed of an astonishing ability to look into the future and canvas an entire nation’s views. At 5pm Washington time – just a few hours after Gen Petraeus’s report was available – he felt able to report that the US public had a negative reaction to it. One can only marvel at his capacity to discern from his perch in DC what countrywide polling agencies will take days to discover.

One should not be surprised by Frei’s warped take. His reports from Washington drip with condescension towards Americans and, most of all, Republicans. He recently called the contest for the Republican nomination – a race that is rather more intriguing than usual – a “panic-stricken hunt”. Given his penchant for such creative contempt for the people among whom he lives, it’s no wonder that he has been nicknamed Stir Frei.

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Geekiness

There's an excellent Twofer at Comment Central between Daniel Finkelstein and the always excellent Gerard Baker about John McCain.

I tell you that in part so you can watch it, but also so I can share with you a fact that appeals to my political geek side.

Ed Cox, President Nixon's son in law, is chairman of McCain's NY campaign.

There. It has no significance or news worthiness. It's just a fact I like.

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America made some people very angry

The Stakhanovite Tom Gross has this example on his site of how the BBC (to continue the theme of my post below) defines objectivity. Here's how it's kiddie section describes 9/11:

Guides: 11 September 2001 attacksLast Updated: Friday June 29 2007 10:33 GMT

Why did they do it?

The way America has got involved in conflicts in regions like the Middle East has made some people very angry, including a group called al-Qaeda - who are widely thought to have been behind the attacks.

In the past, al-Qaeda leaders have declared a holy war - called a jihad - against the US. As part of this jihad, al-Qaeda members believe attacking US targets is something they should do.

When the attacks happened in 2001, there were a number of US troops in a country called Saudi Arabia, and the leader of al-Qaeda, Osama Bin Laden, said he wanted them to leave.

As Tom puts it:

It is not quite the al-Qaeda view, but it almost is. 

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The BBC - Americans are liars

I'm listening to Victoria Derbyshire on FiveLive as I write. The question of the day: "Do you believe the Americans? Are things improving in Iraq?"

The programme has been on for twenty three minutes so far, and there's not been a single voice allowed on air to suggest that the facts presented yesterday by General Petraeus are not simply made up. That's right: the BBC has so far devoted an entire programme to giving people the opportunity to phone in and say that the Americans are lying.

Not one call has been aired suggesting that there might, just might, be some improvement as a result of the surge. 

And that's absolutely not because that's the view that all callers to the programme have taken. I know that for a fact - because I called in to redress the balance. And have I been put on air? Of course not. 

It is thus an editorial decision to air only calls which say nothing is improving and the Americans are lying.

We pay our licence fee for this.

UPDATE: Hugh Sykes. the BBC's Baghdad correspondent, is also saying the same thing - that violence has simply been displaced.

FURTHER UPDATE: 9.29 - a man has been allowed to say it is right to stick it out in Iraq and that we are all safer as a result of American efforts in the war on terror. Greeted with incredulity by Victoria Derbyshire: "Do you think the people in Madrid, in Bali, in London feel safer now". Aha. Terror is the Americans' fault.

ANOTHER UPDATE: This is sheer genius. According to one caller, the Americans want Iraq to be a mess so that when the Democrats win the Presidency, they will be stuck with it and suffer the electoral consequences in 2012, leading to another Republican President.

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