Tropic Thunder
15, Nationwide
Unrelated
15, Selected Cinemas
The beginning is great, particularly before the film proper, when we are shown faux trailers for the stars’ forthcoming films. This includes Tugg Speedman in the Rambo-esque Scorcher VI — ‘He’s made a difference five times before and is about to make a difference once again’ — and Kirk Lazarus in Satan’s Alley, a tale of illicit gay love between two medieval monks, hilariously marked by meaningful stares, and which won ‘the crying monkey award at the Beijing Film Festival’. But then we are into the jungle where nothing feels as funny or as right again.
The bulk of this movie, alas, comes down to weak sketches held together by ridiculous action, vast explosions and more or less everything else it should be parodying. Yup, there is even the inevitable male bonding, done straight. As for the characters, they don’t go anywhere, but simply become repetitious. Downey Jr, all blacked, speaks as he thinks a black man would speak — ‘Hot damn!’ — over and over. OK, we’ve got the joke. Might we have a different kind of joke now? ‘No’, would appear to be the answer to that. This is a film that has one idea and then fails to have any new ideas, and is as prosaic and obvious as it is inelegant. It is also very loud. That said, there is one highlight. This is the character Lee Grossman, the balding, obscene, portly über-tycoon who is bankrolling the film, and is played by a star so unrecognisable it’ll take you half the film to work it out. And no, I’m not going to ruin the surprise by telling you it’s Tom Cruise. Sorry, but I’m just not.
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Slumdog Millionaire
15, Nationwide
Cecilia Bartoli
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Turandot
Royal Opera House
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The Diary of Anne Frank (BBC1, Monday to Friday); Oz and James Drink to Britain (BBC2, Tuesday)
If you don’t mind — yeah, like you’ve any choice in the matter — what I thought I’d do for this New Year column is to do just enough TV for the editor not to want to sack me, then move swiftly on to the stuff my hardcore fans prefer, namely the rambling and shameless solipsism.
The Reader
15, Nationwide (2 January)
Dean Spanley
U, Nationwide
Carolyn Bartholomew talks to Tilda Swinton, an actor who has made a career out of being unconventional
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