Liz Suggests

Email registration

Free weekly email update

Great products and special offers for Spectator readers

Click here for great value events

Global Warning

Theodore Dalrymple

Wednesday, 27th August 2008

Theodore Dalrymple delivers a Global Warning

I think I should abandon the world: I am too easily irritated by it. I should follow the example of Xavier de Maistre, brother of the brilliantly reactionary philosopher, Joseph, and stick henceforth to my room. In his Voyage autour de ma chambre, de Maistre tells us that by describing his journey he is offering an infinite number of unhappy persons a perfect antidote to boredom, and that the pleasure of such a journey is proof also against the ceaseless envy of men. Moreover it is cheap, an advantage not to be sneezed at in time of rising prices.

No sooner do I leave my house than I meet, or at least pass, people who chew gum. This vile habit makes them look like vicious and ruthless but stupid ruminant carnivores, chewing endlessly on the gristle of a corpse.

Worse than their appearance, however, is their habit of leaving their gum to be trodden into the pavement. Every pavement in England is now mottled with flattened gum, and there are few more unpleasant sensations than that of incompletely dried-out gum sticking to one’s shoe. Intellectuals tend to despise Lee Kuan Yew, but on the great chewing-gum question, which is one of the greatest facing mankind, he was absolutely spot on.

Then there are young people with earphones in their ears and trances on their faces. I wouldn’t mind so much if I thought they were listening to anything worthwhile; but they are going deaf from bad taste. Their suffering will be merited, but it will be suffering nonetheless.

1 | 2 Next page

More articles from: Theodore Dalrymple | this section

Print this article | Email to a friend | Permalink | Comments (3)

Subscribe Now 12 issues for £12 in the UK : Gift subscriptions : Overseas subscriptions

Post this entry to: del.icio.us | Digg | Newsvine | NowPublic | Reddit

Manuel Dias Botelho

September 3rd, 2008 12:58pm

"I think I should abandon the world: I am too easily irritated by it."
The same attitude we find in Ludwig II of Bavaria. Life outside is impossible without accepting mediocrity. However, Ludwig had not a single room, but many castles and palaces to live.

Manuel, from Lisbon

Paul Hayman

September 12th, 2008 4:55pm

"Thank you for being humankind."

Yes, that's about what one expects from Oxfam these days. I cancelled my direct debit-thing with them when they ran that campaign requesting their supporters to vote for a celebrity to save the world: on the publicity-blurb they sent, they had a photograph of a notepad with suggestions scribbled on it. "Bono" was on there; "Madonna" was on there. ...And "Bush" was on there --- with a line scratched through it.

No, Oxfam aren't political...

alan

October 23rd, 2008 10:42am

It reminds me (sorry I'm so late replying) of a sign I saw over the urinal: Thanks for being considerate. What they meant, of course, was: thanks for NOT being INconsiderate. Thanks, in fact, for not being DAMNED inconsiderate. Thanks for NOT being a BLOODY BASTARD. Thanks for NOT being a BLOODY PRICK. Thanks for NOTHING, ASSHOLE! YOUR HEAR ME, YOU HEAR ME?!?