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First Man Falling

How I was saved from Mongolian torture

Henry Sands

Wednesday, 5th September 2007

The real truth about reality TV shows

A week later the BBC rang to say my application looked ‘very good’ and would I please come in to meet them. To me this was confirmation that I was to travel the world on a fabulous adventure before becoming the next Ben Fogle. I flicked through adventure catalogues choosing rugged outdoor tools and wondered whether I might get some sponsorship from Blacks.

The show comprises three English and three American contestants. The result is a diverse mix. The current series includes one of America’s top power-lifters as well as a slim-built Oxford graduate. While I liked to imagine I would be portrayed as the tough, muscle-bound outdoor sort, I was actually pretty clear about my own type. I once played school rugby against a foam-flecked New Zealand side. As I took my position in the line I saw my opposite man pointing at me and shrieking, ‘I am going to skull-f*** that pretty pommy poof.’

On the morning of the audition I made my excuses from my summer job, secretly confident that I would not be returning, and headed off to White City. The night before I had watched an episode of Bear Grylls’s Born Survivor and I carried an image of him in my mind as I entered the studios. The rather tired-looking lady behind the desk took my name and told me to take a seat and wait. I waited, and waited and waited. Perhaps this delay was all planned and there were producers watching me through hidden cameras.

With this in mind I started grimacing and flexing my biceps while furtively seeking out the cameras. About 15 minutes later a man in his early twenties arrived with a clipboard. ‘Please follow me,’ he said. To pass the time, I asked how long he had worked at the BBC and what other shows he had been involved with. By my third question he turned to me and said, ‘I am really sorry, mate, but I cannot do you any favours with the show, I am just helping out for the day.’ With that he turned to face the floor and ushered me into a room. He must have been very fed up with contestants on the make.

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