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I’m proud to be famous for being rude

Wednesday, 1st October 2008

Swearing and shouting are underrated, says Giles Coren. Four-letter words can be immensely satisfying and extraordinarily effective

When I was ever so small and sweet, romper-suited and frilly-booted and really quite an angel to look at, I must have had a gob on me like an angry plasterer, because the only piece of advice I can remember my mother ever giving me is: ‘If you’ve got nothing nice to say, Giles, then keep your mouth shut.’

This was most often said at table, I think, when I was passing comment on the ickiness of the boil-in-the-bag cod mornay or the pooey colour of the butterscotch Angel Delight, perhaps on the state of my baby sister’s table manners, or my father’s, or the smell of the Portuguese au pair...

But it was advice I never took. And it’s just as well. For as it has turned out, I am the restaurant critic of the world’s greatest newspaper, a television broadcaster known mostly for being rude back to Gordon Ramsay, and the sender of an angry email to a sub-editor which went viral and put my writing (albeit a scarily primal, late-night, id-driven version of it) in front of an audience most writers can only dream of. If I had listened to my mum, I would be driving a minicab. Or collecting whelks for Mr Wong, and glad of my £1 an hour.

Rudeness has been good to me over the years. And while I, like most people on the threshold of middle age, deplore our society’s ongoing descent into vulgarity, and believe that politeness is, and must remain, the grease that keeps the wheels of the nation turning, I am here to tell you that being very, very rude to the right people, at the right time, can be extraordinarily satisfying, not to mention spiritually elevating, professionally effective and lucrative beyond imagining.

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Junk Male

October 2nd, 2008 7:51am

Sorry, Coren Junior, but you have shown yourself up for what you are - a talentless, egotistical, third rate imitation of your late father.

adam wright

October 2nd, 2008 11:29am

No matter how you dress it up Giles, you are still a prat and a second-class writer

AndyC

October 2nd, 2008 12:20pm

Not that famous, to be truthful. Your dad was a genuine wit without ever being a pottymouth. And your sister had a doomed but valiant stab at making the best porn film ever. But you just sort of eat for a living...

David Short

October 2nd, 2008 12:26pm

I'm afraid I agree with the previous two comments.

Where would this offensive man be if he hadn't been brought up in privileged meeja north London with a well-connected father?

Teaching sociologoy in some shabby provincial comprehensive perhaps.

At least his sister has shown she can shine at international level at poker despite being a lacklustre columnist.

Her poker success earned her £500,000 in one competition, and that's her achievement alone.

Nothing to do with favours done for her father.

Frank P

October 2nd, 2008 12:37pm

Bwaaahahahaha.

In the real world of course expletives have always lubricated the discourse of everyone from the age of about, well, shall we say five? As punctuation, they can be just as inventive, apposite and pomposity puncturing as well oiled polite satire or sarcasm.
By the way you lifted that last sentence of yours from at least 20 of my Coffee House posts (and 40 more variations of even more exotic versions of it that the 'moderator' spiked). But I won't claim copyright, because it is merely a self-evident truth, upon which there is no copyright, thank God.

Frank Pulley

October 2nd, 2008 12:44pm

btw

I bet your sister is capable of the odd epithet in a put-down, isn't she? What a clever girl she is. Enjoyed her series about philology and origins, immensely.

MDH

October 2nd, 2008 2:29pm

The earlier comments say it all, really. I was pretty appalled at Mr Coren's email, which, frankly, would have got him a punch from many of the sub-editors it's been my pleasure to work for and with over the years.

As (yet another) well-connected second-rater, I'd say Al Gruaniad was his natural home. And shame on The Spectator for printing this rubbish

Prospero13

October 2nd, 2008 5:47pm

A 'difficult novel'? Difficult to read, certainly.
Your sister's sharp yet still charming. Were you dropped on your head?

robert

October 2nd, 2008 8:23pm

You're not "famous" for being rude, twat. You're mildly notorious for being an arrogant, pompous ass!

MartinW

October 2nd, 2008 9:22pm

Egotistical and nasty, with no consideration for others. Coren is a child having tantrums and out of control.

Hugh Northam

October 3rd, 2008 1:32am

I'm glad I have never met Mr Coren, and never will. It would tax my courtesy to have to deal with someone who congratulates himself on the inelegant and banal (not to say ungrammatical) prose he writes, enlivened only by the use of four letter words, and who fails to appreciate that the whole point of social and professional intercourse is not to give satisfaction to the person who fails in courtesy without regard to the effect on the reactions of his interlocutors. My patience with Mr Coren is, moreover, thoroughly exasperated by his ungrammatical "swearing and rudeness is a sign of ignorance". It is apparent that Mr Coren, like the grunting youths he affects to deplore, has an attention span of insufficient length to enable him to match two nouns with a plural verb. It surely a sign of the decline of The Spectator that its pages are inhabited by this piece of self-publicising drivel. It is neither funny nor persuasive. No wonder The Spectator is looking to invigorate itself with Austrlian content under the aegis of Oscar Humphries.

Ed Lancey

October 3rd, 2008 9:03am

Shame your old boy isn't still around to tell you to shut the fuck up.

ian skidmore

October 3rd, 2008 10:50am

HE IS FAMOUS FOR HAVING A FAMOUS FDATHER BUT CLARLY TALENT DOES NOT RUN IN FMILIES. ANY JUNIOR REPORTER KN OWS IT IS SO MUCH EASIER TO BE RUDE IN A REVIEW THAN IT IS TO BE WITTILY CONSTRUCTIVE. YOIU DIMINISH YOUR MAGAZINE BY INCLUDING SUCH RUBBISH

sonia morris

October 3rd, 2008 10:51am

I love you, Giles Coren and I couldn't agree with you more. I'm a bit that way myself.

Steve W

October 3rd, 2008 12:26pm

It does not say much for Mr Coren's education at Westminster and Oxford (a first in English!)that he thinks it clever or funny to be boorish and rude.

James Green

October 3rd, 2008 1:43pm

Perhaps Mr Coren measures the success of his existence on this planet by others simply reacting to him being a moron. Oh, the irony!

Tony Pandy

October 3rd, 2008 8:37pm

It isn't your rudeness, Giles, that has made you a laughing stock. It's your pretentious self-regard for your pisspoor journalism. The "first million" Google hits, huh? The Spectator shouldn't have published this self-exonerating piece of crotch-cradling wishful thinking.

Walter Ellis

October 3rd, 2008 9:45pm

In fact, the first reference to you on Google is your Wikipedia entry, which ends with the suggestion (probably inserted by you) that you only got your job on The Times because of your dad. I couldn't check the other eight million entries (actually 57,600 ... as I'm sure you knew), which do, admittedly, concentrate on your fouler Fowler's tendency. It must be great being you. In my case, it would be even greater as I'd be 20 years younger.

tom

October 3rd, 2008 11:15pm

Complete and utter crap by anyone's standards.

I hate this guy, he is a second rate writer and no-rate human being.

Frank P

October 4th, 2008 3:22pm

I knew that there were a few pompous prats among the Speccie readers, especially those who also scribble for a living, but by jingo! Giles, you've smoked out more than I would ever have imagined. Jealous hacks, friends of Gordon, or friends of Dorothy even - given the feline spite?

M McGregor

October 4th, 2008 3:29pm

I honestly don't see the point of printing this article, other than glorifying ill-mannered, foul-mouthed conduct. If the author is serious, it's appalling; and if it's 'tongue in cheek' it is too near the reality of modern Britain to be funny. Either way it reflects no credit on him, or your publication's editorial policy.

Obviously abusive language may be 'satisfying' at times, which is why it exists; as does 'road rage' and other forms of tantrum for the same reason. It has certainly proved to be
'effective' for people like John McEnroe and Gordon Ramsey :
but only because we live in a society which not only tolerates but actively encourages gutter behaviour of all kinds, instead of it resulting in instant disqualification.

CharlieRay15

October 5th, 2008 6:05am

I don't think it would be unfair to bracket Coren together with Joe Kinnear, the charmless and boorish temporary manager of Newcastle United.

George

October 5th, 2008 2:23pm

Sounds like Frank P is on someone's payroll.

How could anyone be jealous of a loser like Giles Coren?

He's never even had a proper job, and the only work he gets is because of his dad.

Richard Horton

October 5th, 2008 2:53pm

"The excessive use of expletives is the way in which the inarticulate endeavour to be eloquent" Write out 500 times Coren. As I had to 30 odd years ago. Made no fucking diference of course.

Emma B, Cape Town

October 6th, 2008 9:37am

Come on, Spectator readers, what's your problem? Giles is funny!

Bob Grundy

October 6th, 2008 2:00pm

Twentyfive comments so far, of which two are in favour of young Corens poor effort of being, well what ? a self publisist perhaps......
Is it surprising that these two are females ?
Best all round if he got a proper job, if he can.

Vespasian

October 7th, 2008 1:38pm

With so many in the media jumping on the bandwagon and swearing away because they're desperatly trying to prove how 'cool' they are, being original & interesting now would probably consist of not swearing, and perhaps being rude to people without using any four letter words. Coren and people like him are so tiresome: their love of swearing, makes them seem like little children discovering with glee that they can swear and mummy dosen't smack them anymore. Swearing just shows a complete lack of imagination and vocabulary. Grow up Giles, get a life...

M Taylor

October 27th, 2008 3:04am

Personally, Giles, I stopped being a fan of yours after you stopped living next door to Victor Meldrew on that TV series you used to be in.

Lawrence

November 2nd, 2008 7:50pm

Swearing doesn't suit you Giles!
You are just a pompous London tosspot who only reviews restaurants in Kensington and Chelsea.
If you are paid to write this kind of rubbish then my name's Jonathan Ross

Belinda

November 10th, 2008 7:50pm

Giles Coren-you are an idiot.

Swearing reveals the character of a person who has low standards and a lack of common courtesy.
Giles Coren's lack of ability to find adequate words with which to express himself,leaves him to resort to swearing in order to appear 'hip,cool and oh so tough and macho' i'm sorry i'm quacking in my boots. He is not as bright as he professes himself to be.

Giles Coren,you have an over inflated opinion of your own importance,you are a prat.

So,no,you are not famous,you are infamous for being an idiot.

Alicia

November 11th, 2008 12:16am

Giles Coren...hhmmm..now let me think. I know who you are.

You're that racist bigot employed by The Times newspaper, who slurs an entire nation (no not a minority of fools who have undoubtedly had their comeuppance)no,an entire nation,by writing propogandist drivel with absolutely no historical fact to back up your bizarre claims.

Giles Coren the average 'cooking critic' getting involved in politics!!

Is The Times newspaper so low on staff that it resorts to employing a below average and mediocre cook to write for it's political pages.

MG

November 12th, 2008 2:27pm

Not only are you a prick, Giles Coren, you're showing up anyone who gives any encouragement or endorsement to your bad attitude, as a prick in their own right. You reflect badly on The Times and The Spectator.

Cameron for instance, in his party Conference speech, spoke of our broken society, and our lack of civility. Now that you mentioned him loving your rude e-mail to the sub-editor, he's in my eyes a goner, an ingratiating slime ball with no principles. I won't be voting for him. Doesn't he see that you Giles Coren are not only one of the symptoms of our broken society, but also one of the perpetrators?

Your supposedly cool, fearless, irreverent, anti-authority, and anti-PC attitude, springs merely from having been molly coddled by your unduly priveledged background, and from not having been slammed down yet.


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