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A star at Christmas

Joan Collins

Wednesday, 12th December 2007

Joan Collins's Festive Notebook

I’m a huge fan of Christmas festivities so I had great fun ‘lighting the lights’ in Burlington Arcade, which looks wonderfully festive now. We started planning our own Christmas card in July and as for decorating and adorning the tree, I can say with all due modesty — I am a total expert. I began making my own decorations when my kids were tiny. We made them by hand — each one a minor work of art — painstakingly covered in sequins, velvet and ribbon. Each Christmas we created a few more and by the time they were teenagers the attic overflowed with seasonal cheer. The delightful memories evoked by each gaudy styrofoam bauble inaugurated the Christmas spirit and shortly after the tree was bought: real fir, at least eight feet tall, full, luxuriant and strong enough to handle lots of balls.

In Las Vegas we were dazzled by Cirque de Soleil’s Love, an extravaganza of acrobatics and fantasia, movement and dancing, held together by the music and film clips of the Beatles from their earliest days. Mind-bogglingly entertaining, it reminded us how brilliant the Fab Four’s music and lyrics were. But even more mind-boggling was being stuck in a traffic jam on the strip, watching, in horrified amazement, as the morbidly obese jostled for space on the sidewalk. Massive swaths of fat battled each other like Jello warriors on the straining sidewalk. None of the men appeared to weigh less than 300 pounds and most of the women were verging on 250. Since Las Vegas represents a true cross-section of the US population, then the nation on average must presumably consume at least three to four thousand calories a day. The portions in most restaurants now, not just in McDonald’s and their ilk, are so gargantuan that the LA ladies who lunch (and me too) almost always split portions between each other and still leave more on their plate. My edict has always been: ‘The best exercise for losing weight is pushing yourself away from the table.’ Hey, Michael Winner! I’ve been using your Fat Pig Diet for years.

As everyone knows, prices in America for so many things are now unbelievably low compared with England. Ninety-six pence is the lowest fare on the New York subway as compared to £4 on the London Tube. Americans who haven’t been here simply can’t believe that it costs the equivalent of nearly $20 for the privilege of travelling into London. They gasp to hear that meters charge £1 for 15 minutes’ parking as compared to 25 cents (12p) for 20 minutes in Los Angeles, and that the minimum fare in a London taxi is £2.20 compared to £1.10 in New York. If the US charged their people such inflated prices, they would probably have another civil war on their hands.

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Duncan

December 14th, 2007 11:29am

Which ‘other week’ were these incidents in New York? I have not been able to track down the details and would like to. When was this incident in Kensington High Street? Recently or in some urban myth time zone? Did the ‘friend’ report it to the police? Is there an incident number? A broken leg is surely quite serious. It is actually rare to see cyclists on the pavement. When you do there are normally extenuating circumstances such as road works that have created additional dangerous choke points. Sometimes beginner cyclists take to the pavement in particularly dangerous areas. Apart from that, cyclists have no interest in being on the pavement. Meanwhile pedestrians are all too often found wandering in the road oblivious to the cyclists around them. Thankfully pedestrians and cyclists rarely harm each other. The real danger comes from drivers. Stand at any major junction and whenever the lights turn red you can see cars, coaches, buses and taxis speeding through. Cycle lanes are ignored and offer little protection. Forward boxes are never enforced. Taxis and buses regard bus lanes as theirs alone and squeeze and cut across cyclists. Van and lorry drivers, often reading a map or using a mobile, seem incapable of using their left mirrors. It is a sad fact that most of the cycling accidents in London are caused by lorries, vans and coaches speeding away from traffic lights and turning left without looking - deaths being regarded by the courts as unfortunate accidents. Instead of whinging at cyclists, we should be striving to create a safe cycling environment in London. Above all, drivers must be taught that a green light is not a license to kill. The roads are there for us all to share: cars do not have priority.

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