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Clemency Burton-Hill
Clemency Burton-Hill

Clemency suggests


Essex and the City: my life as a ‘posh bird’ broker

Wednesday, 6th February 2008

Venetia Thompson on how she learnt to fit in with the hard-drinking barrow boys on the trading floor, who live on fish and chips, pickled onions and the most expensive vintage wines

Physically the job had begun to affect me. Getting up at 5.45 a.m. having often been out until past midnight with clients began to take its toll. I discovered that getting up so early invariably meant not having enough time to sleep off the alcohol and thus meant turning up at my desk at 7 a.m. still drunk. Tube journeys often consisted of half an hour of deep yogic breathing where I attempted to put myself into an anti-nausea trance. On the rare occasions I got to go straight home after work I would be fast asleep, dribbling on the sofa by 7 p.m. My friends barely saw me for months, dismissing my job as consisting of eating, drinking and partying with a lot of shouting and the odd bit of bond trading in between. The girls balked when I recounted the traders’ venomous tirades that I frequently endured.

‘I would never consider a female broker girlfriend material,’ announced one of my clients, a trader at a European bank. ‘All that testosterone is bound to eventually rub off on a girl. My girlfriend works in fashion PR, I know that she’s safe there, she’s not out three nights a week with different traders having lavish meals ordering ridiculous wine — she’s in bed with me.’ I had never previously considered that my femininity might be somehow at risk. I’d apparently rendered myself ‘unmarriageable’ and destined to roam the planet alone in a testosterone-fuelled rage, armed only with an empty bottle of Krug. After this revelation I had frantically checked with my other male clients what their views were on the subject. Most agreed that it was simply not a job for a girl to be doing and that maybe I should consider something less male-dominated and less ‘ball-busting’. These were successful men, largely in their twenties and early thirties, from similar backgrounds to myself; men that in my pre-broking days I may have dated but who now viewed me as nothing short of the Incredible Hulk, but a good broker nonetheless.

At a time of such uncertainty within the financial markets the inter-dealer broker is, however Hulk-like, sitting pretty while the vast majority of traders at investment and merchant banks scramble around in search of their long-lost bonuses to guarantee that their PR and fashion assistant girlfriends don’t leave them. Meanwhile I’ll be helping myself to another glass of Château d’Yquem over dessert with my much-loved Essex boys, safe in the knowledge that they’ll never feel the urge to ask what school I went to, always treat me impeccably and, if I happen to make more money than they do, they’ll simply shake my hand and pass me a cigar, their balls still very much intact.

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Philippe P

February 7th, 2008 11:26am

What a refreshing glimpse into the netherworld of those who neither inherited, nor stole their money. As we're staring down the abyss, people like those described will be our saviours in averting economic melt-down (and enslavement to the Chinese). More of the same please!

Joe Bloggs

February 7th, 2008 4:06pm

You poor girl having to deal with heathens who order Croft in the first place!

Terence Foo

February 7th, 2008 4:10pm

Finally, a candid take on the characters driving our economy. Please write something about Gordon Brown.

Karen

February 8th, 2008 4:01pm

Brilliant article, told like it really is. Been there many years ago, loved it & would not change the experience for the world. I have never been embarrassed by anything that I have had to encounter since!!

james Sleatdog

February 8th, 2008 4:14pm

As a city worker myself, reading your article was refreshing and well written. Lets us have more

Yvonne

February 8th, 2008 5:21pm

Hah! This made me laugh out loud - I've just retired after 13 years in the Front Office... it's all just too true!

gerard

February 11th, 2008 9:26am

A brilliant little piece in both senses. I suppose she'll never be heard of again, but the girl done well

Jeremy Stubbs

March 7th, 2008 9:38am

Brilliant. I hadn't heard of this article until i saw the front page of the Torygraph this morning. Being of a similar age and in a similar line of work, i thoroughly enjoyed the read. Sure it's not the last we've heard of Venetia!

Ram Barkai

March 7th, 2008 9:53am

Hi, I dont know how to get hold of Venetia, but I respect her courage, intelegnce and her article and I want to offer her a job in Cadiz financial services in Cape Town.

Binsey

March 7th, 2008 10:39am

Top Bird!

David H

March 7th, 2008 11:07am

Reflecting on my 'Behaviour in Work Place' and 'Diversity' training courses, it is refreshing to know that some parts of the City remain, reassuringly unchanged.

J

March 7th, 2008 9:48pm

Being from The City, the other one, across the ocean, the one with the really big buildings, and working in the same field...just so you all know, it's just the same here

Kevin

March 8th, 2008 4:54pm

What would be more interesting than this anecdotal article would be an explanation of how it is that a collection of inebriated, sleep-deprived individuals manage to accomplish anything profitable to the wider economy. Surely anything that is genuinely productive, such as designing microchips or building (reliable) cars, requires an alert, educated workforce? On a much smaller scale than City trading, some mortgage lenders siphon off money from the productive economy by scaring customers into taking out more insurance than they could possibly benefit from. Some mobile phone salesmen are similarly merely interested in getting you to pay over the odds for a multi-featured "Swiss army" model with all the trimmings, instead of a regular handset that will allow you to make calls. When we talk about the kind of City traders portrayed in this article, are we talking about the same phenomenon, but just involving far larger sums of money procured from corporate suckers by effectively plying their authorised representatives with drink and sex-related activities? If so, is that any more genuinely beneficial to the economy than bribery or money laundering? Surely this takes away money that could be put to more profitable use by corporations in producing products that improve our quality of life, allowing us more time and disposable income to invest in similarly productive work, such as architecture or interior design. Just a thought.

Actual Broker

March 10th, 2008 5:45pm

So basically, a silly little girl from a minor public school in Devon with a very sheltered background, couldn't get a job with a bank, so ended up working for a city chop-shop as a glamourized telesales person. Decent Banks and brokerage's don't employ 'Essex boys' (were they all from Essex?), sounds like you've got a chip on your shoulder and as a result are insecure about your position in the world.....

Kay Vasey

March 11th, 2008 7:57am

Venetia, you have a great talent for writing... I think you should join MeshMinds.com - We've got a wealth of like-minded people with excellent creative talents. It would be brilliant to hear from you.

a.n other

March 11th, 2008 2:22pm

Amusing little expose. However in comparison to the 'real scams' which are being conducted, the treatment handed down to this junior for her misdemeanor is a bit like giving a life sentense to a 'jay walker'. Countless people are doing the 'items scan' with sales credits and earning huge amounts all virtually without detection.

Lando

March 31st, 2008 4:15pm

Kevin, with your talk of 'plying corporate suckers out of large sums of money' I doubt that you fully understand what trading/inter dealer broking involves but that's fair enough. IDB's (Inter-Dealer Brokers, almost always incorrectly referred to as 'traders') are middlemen between two different real traders, the latter usually working for investment banks. A trader would deal through an IDB to trade size that he or she would be unable to execute on screen. The broker's job is to find a counterpart who wants to do the opposite to the first trader. The brokers takes no actual market risk themselves - hence they really arent 'traders' per se. To a lot of people this may seem pointless ('why not just get traders bypassing the brokers and talking to each other directly?) but to a big trader trying to move a large position the anonymity provided by IDB's is crucial, hence the commission charged. As for the 'entertainment', brokers know that all else being equal traders will choose to trade with their mates and commission being their sole source of income means they need as many mates as possible!
In any case Kevin, an easy mistake to make, perhaps a follow up from Ms Thompson on how trading actually works would clear up some misconceptions?


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