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Boris’s most brilliant wheeze to date was the letter to the Guardian attacking him

Wednesday, 27th February 2008

Rod Liddle salutes the genius of the Tory mayoral candidate in sending a spoof petition condemning himself and praising Livingstone to the skies to the Left’s in-house newspaper

The battle to become Mayor of London is getting dirty. Someone from Boris Johnson’s campaign team — or maybe Boris himself — put a hilarious spoof letter in the Guardian this week. It purported to be from 100 ‘academics’, luvvies, lesbians and professional agitators, all of them aghast at the notion that the ‘right-wing and reactionary’ Boris might actually win. It was a quite brilliant work of parody — long-winded, witless, sanctimonious and marvellously self-important. What Boris had done, with panache, was exemplify the extraordinary arrogance and naivety of a certain tranche of liberal opinion. After all, who would give a monkey’s that Baldrick from Blackadder and some bloke called Ivor Gaber, the visiting professor of media studies at the Central Polytechnic of Dollis Hill or something, thinks that Ken should win the election? Well, clearly Baldrick and Ivor Gaber.

That was the point — they really do believe that people care what they think. They abide beneath a cloak woven from the most extraordinary self-regard. It was a very clever touch as well to ensure that about half of the signatories to the letter don’t live in London and therefore have no vote or indeed know what the hell they are talking about — the ubiquitous Billy Bragg, for example, who fled to Dorset some years ago, having suffered enough of Ken’s stewardship in the capital. And the Labour MPs for the Gower and North-West Leicestershire. And the crop-headed lesbian feminist member of the National Association of Irrationally Furious Women Against Everything, Bea Campbell — who works in Newcastle. And — showing a great recall for long-forgotten 1970s commie ideologues — Robin Blackburn, a former member of the International Marxist Group and yet another professor of applied Stalinism, or something. At a university in — New York! And of course, the bluestocking bluebottle perched proudly atop the dog turd, the high-born and hypocritical Polly Toynbee herself. She lives in London, sure enough — but not in the sort of London that most of the capital’s inhabitants would recognise; not the London of gun crime, muggings, dilapidated high streets and rotten public transport, still less schools where the majority of pupils do not speak English and there’s a maiming every other day. Polly sent her kid to a nice expensive public school.

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Austin Barry

February 28th, 2008 8:35am

Letters to the Guardian by anguished onanists aren't going to help Livingstone, and his recent TV appearances will damage him: As Tammany Hall's William "Boss" Tweed complained to Harper's Weekly, "Stop them damned pictures. I don't care what the papers say about me. My constituents don't know how to read, but they can't help seeing them damned pictures!"

Richard Morgan

February 29th, 2008 1:30am

It would see that an article about the letter ought reproduce or link to the letter in question. After some searching all I found was is this http://tinyurl.com/2787no which I reproduce below. Why should we presume that this letter is anything other than sincere? where are the "hundreds" of signatories? On May 1 London will elect a mayor. It will either be Ken Livingstone or Boris Johnson. Ken Livingstone is not perfect. Show us a politician who is. But he is not just a serious and skilled politician compared to almost any rival - especially the horror and embarrassment of the Boris Johnson alternative - Livingstone is a standard bearer for real progressive politics. That is why this election matters to the nation, not just the capital. Livingstone represents a hope that something better is possible; that a different type of society is not just some pipedream of the left, but can be created. This is the reason he is under such severe attack. The Conservatives see a Johnson victory as a springboard to beat Labour at the next general election. They are piling in with every resource to make it happen - not least the negative campaigning skills of the Australian Lynton Crosby. The lead attack dog is, of course, the Daily Mail group's Evening Standard. It is being used as a battering ram, not just against Ken Livingstone, but against the ideals of a more democratic, egalitarian and sustainable politics. This is not the freedom and independence of the press but the disfigurement of the fourth estate into a blatant propaganda machine. So a battle is being waged in the country and it is time to stand and fight to ensure that Livingstone wins so that the ideals of democracy, equality and sustainability endure and are given new hope. Professor Ruth Lister David Puttman Neal Lawson Chair, Compass Polly Toynbee Jon Cruddas MP Jon Tickett MP Tony Benn Billy Bragg Tony Robinson Helena Kennedy Sunder Katwala Fabian Society Gemma Tumelty NUS

Christopher Chantrill

February 29th, 2008 1:36am

Isn't the correct term "wizard wheeze?"

Richard Morgan

February 29th, 2008 9:06am

Until I see this long winded letter signed by 100's I will have to assume that it is not true and that this piece is the work of fiction.

rod liddle

February 29th, 2008 10:47am

Here you are, Richard me old son. A very long-winded and self-regarding letter, at the bottom of which are afixed the names of 100 academics, luvvies, etc etc, just as advertised above. Look a bit harder next time. http://www.compassonline.org.uk/c ampaigns/campaign.asp?n=1364

Kevyn Bodman

February 29th, 2008 11:22am

Mr. Liddle, You write in a very different style to her, but your columns are about as good as those of the Speccie's blogger, the marvellous Melanie Phillips. I've found the letter that 'Boris' sent to the Guardian; well, I had it forwarded to me, along with a 'news' article the Guardian wrote about the letter, the letter that was itself published in the Guardian, of course.(Isn't that taking self-reference a little too far?) Clearly a clever spoof; surely no such self-regarding,self-loving luvvies and celebrity academics would do such a thing, even if they have a tenous or non-existent connection with London.Would they? And surely they don't think that readers are interested in what they say based on their media profiles and presence? (I, on the other hand, am convinced that visitors come to this site to see what I have posted.) But, to change the tone to one more serious now, Boris Johnson's response was the correct one. He wants to address issues of concern to Londoners , not discuss letters from Livingstone's fan-club. I think Boris is unfortunate in having his unruly shock of blond hair that makes him so visually striking.And his sense of fun is open to misinterpretation, sometimes wilful misinterpretation. I've taken some time to read some of his writings. He is absolutely not the buffoon some make him out to be. He's a serious and thinking politician. He also seems to be a man with a sense of enjoyment of life. He has sound libertarian instincts too. If I had vote in these elections I'd vote for Boris. I hope he wins.

Paul B

February 29th, 2008 1:37pm

Amen to everything in Kevyns post above. Also, apart from coming here (& subscribing to the Mag) to read the riveting Rod & Mel,two truly outstandingly brilliant journalists, I of course await Kevyns post with baited breath :-) Go Boris!!!

Dollar

February 29th, 2008 3:09pm

I can't get over the cheek of this bit: "Livingstone is a standard bearer for real progressive politics". The man hugged on stage Dr Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, a man who condoned 7/7. Progressing where exactly? The 6th century? The gall of the man to embrace somebody who condones killing Londoners, and then expects people to vote for him. You're dreaming, Kenny. I voted for you twice but after that little performance, you're busted. Boris will be OK because people understand the humour - no matter how much the po-faced Guardian tries to put a nasty spin on it. He might be a sort of Ronald Reagan for London: a successful humorous politician. And Ken still never said thanks to Ronnie for bringing the Cold War to an end by insisting on the Star Wars programme. He undermined our defences then with silly CND nonsense and now he's doing the same by rolling out the carpet for jihadist sympathisers.

John Havenhand

February 29th, 2008 7:31pm

Dear Rod I've enjoyed your articles for many years now. Since the untimely demise of Bron and the departure of Mark Steyn to other journals, I normally turn to your articles first for amusement and honest(ish)insight. However, isn't it about time you "came out" and said farewell to the infantile disorder of the "know it all" bossy left. Many of us have served a valuable apprenticeship with the "comrades" but, in the last instance, your rightish views are not epiphenomena overdetermining an essentially left wing ideological base. I suspect that, like many of us, you have changed. A cultural lefty you can remain, but your views are distinctly right wing libertarian. It's a paradigm shift which is very familar to many of us!! All the best John

TRH

February 29th, 2008 8:50pm

I'm confused.

Robert Bargery

March 1st, 2008 10:10am

The letter is sadly genuine, I'm sure - Rod Liddle is just doing a hilarious hatchet job in the best traditions of Auberon Waugh. Bravo.

Albion Joe

March 1st, 2008 11:24am

Is this letter available anywhere on the net? I haven't seen the Guardian for some time, and was amazed to learn that it had developed a sense of humour. As I'm recuperating from surgery, and laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, I'd love to see the whole hillarious piece revealed in all its glory, and see the entire list of names of the self important thugs who endorsed it. (Most of the British intelligentsia, I'll wager.)

Peter Hoskin

March 1st, 2008 11:51am

Albion Joe: it's linked to in the second sentence of Rod's article

Provincial Type

March 1st, 2008 7:16pm

You mock the way that it included people who don't live in London and have no vote, but this is also true of all those Londoners who obsess over American elections. On this very webpage, I can see a link to a Spectator article obsessing over Barrack Obama.

Harry Osbourne

March 1st, 2008 7:57pm

Oh dear Rod. Such self deception! How could you? How can you! To refer to yourself and even to believe that you are a liberal leftie is I'm afraid, nothing more than a reflex, a memory, like those smoke filled student bars of the Seventies whre people spending their grants on beer believed they we furthering the revolution. Nw doctors, barristers and even columnists these folks still see themselves charging the barricades in their old denim jackets, forgetting that to do so today may induce a coronary as well as split some seams on that rather expensive tailoring. So, recognise the change, be proud of it, you're not a leftie, you grown up, you've moved on, you're not a sanctimonious prig, you've got a sense of humour that has wide appeal, (unlike the typical Guardian reader or letter writer). If you're going to vote for Boris be proud about it, working class tories can come out of the closet now. Even people who aren't Tories can recognise that they have the opportunity to rid themselves of a self deceiving incompetent. But don't worry, just because you vote against Red Ken doesn't mean you're a class traitor. Except possibly, the moribund files Communist Studies department of Bradford University, no body gives a damn. They just want honest government that works and doesn't tax them to death. Ken has proved he can't provide it, can Boris? in the ter ED kEN a chance aren't Tories but can't stand the havoc to the country being waged by the humourless celtic hegemony and to London by the neo-Hitlerish moustached clown are standing proud on this in concert with the

Eddie Pratt

March 1st, 2008 8:56pm

If The Guardian were to publish a letter signed by 100 ordinary Londoners, the neglected, "nameless," working classes, well then, that would be truly progressive . . .

County Oik

March 2nd, 2008 9:49am

What a fabulous article. At last a writer who can see - revel in - the surreal world that is Ken Livingstone's London. And prick the bubble of the pompous, self serving, up their own bottoms hand-wringing wets who assume that anyone gives a toss about what they think, what they sign, or who they support. Thanks Rod; made my day.

Allan Pond

March 3rd, 2008 3:24pm

brilliant as ever Rod. Especially liked your description of the National Association of Irrationally Furious Women spokesthingy as crop headed. In fact the last time I saw her rant on at a meeting at Newcastle University only a couple of years ago she was almost completely bald. You are a nugget of liberatrian sanity in a world of frightening bullies. Mock On, Mock On.

Iain

March 4th, 2008 9:39am

"I haven't seen the Guardian for some time.." Oh dear - you're missing a treat! As for Rod Liddle being left/right or whatever - who cares? Politics is rarely discussed with such humour these days.

Martin C

March 6th, 2008 3:51pm

But in your own words, Rod - isnt this why you voted Labour in the first place? Anyway, I agree with Mr Morgan below. The letter isnt a spoof, its the genuine article as far as I can see, and the signatories are all quite sincere. Yes, the Left really does think this way.

slavka scott

May 12th, 2008 11:40pm

Rod - you are brilliant! As a Scot/Czech and disallusioned socialist I have been seduced by your take, style and opinions....you, Boris and a few other brave and beautiful minds have the power to change the tedious mind-set of the self-important, politally correct dickheads who have, until now, held sway. Bring it on....us young 'uns are with you! Time for some honesty and some fun


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