Water, Prozac, management consultants: all completely useless
So many of the things we are told to do are a total waste of time or money, says Rod Liddle, who has just completed a failed two-year course in water-drinking to make him a better person
However, the most shocking revelation that this life is nothing but smoke and mirrors, that even the things which we hold most dear and invest all of our faith in are wholly illusory, came exactly one year ago. And despite having the rug pulled from beneath our feet, in the intervening 12 months we have continued exactly as before, our faith apparently undimmed. I am talking about the frankly unbelievable report from the National Audit Office (NAO) at the very end of 2006, which stated, following a long and costly analysis, that management consultants were of absolutely no use to mankind whatsoever, despite the £3 billion of public money we spend upon them annually.
Let’s be clear: it did not say that management consultants were sometimes of no use, but that sometimes they were terrific. It said, per se, management consultants are absolutely useless, full stop. In the three years leading up to the NAO report, spending upon ‘outsourcing’ to the likes of Logica and Accenture (and surely those names should have given the game away) increased by 33 per cent. There was one glorious example of outsourcing cited: Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs outsourced the problem of needing to save £105 million in labour costs. This they did, successfully, to a team of management consultants who charged them £106 million. The NAO suggested that the work carried out by the consultants usually simply duplicated work done by the in-house civil servants. Either way, it was useless.
Anyway, that was a year ago. Have we changed since then? Have we resolved never, ever, to use the likes of Accenture and Logica again? Nope, we have continued to give them vast sums of public money, much as those suffering from depression will continue to plead for Prozac, regardless of the knowledge that it will do them no real good whatsoever. Thinking about it, there is very good money to be made from smoke and mirrors.
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john problem
March 6th, 2008 10:44amAs a member of the Management Consultancy Defence Association, I say to you that it is clear you should have consulted a management consultant about your water intake issue, first.
Delboy
March 6th, 2008 5:33pmI can just imagine the TV show. They would have to invent an older brother character to be played by David Jason who'd call you 'Rodders' all the time.
Tom B
March 6th, 2008 6:13pmI, as well, took to consuming great quantities of water in the belief that it would certainly cause me to live forever. I don't care to be reminded of my stupidity in this regard.
Brian D
March 7th, 2008 12:10pm'Management consultants are absolutely useless'. What took the NAO so long?
mike numan
March 10th, 2008 6:46am"there is very good money to be made from smoke and mirrors." Yes, you'd know. Your journalism has demonstrated this truth for a long time. Why doesn't the spectator simply send a secretary to a pub and copy the outporings of the biggest bore at the bar?
rod liddle
March 11th, 2008 9:52amYou a management consultant then, Mike?
Philip Ley
March 12th, 2008 7:27amHi Rod, You had a bit of bad luck. See the following. What a pity it didn't reach you before your piece on Prozac etc. Commiserations Low-Level Drug Contamination Common in Drinking Water Trace amounts of medications are present in the water of many metropolitan water supplies, according to an investigation conducted by the Associated Press. Although water is often not checked for pharmaceuticals, the AP says drugs have been found in the water of at least 24 of 28 major systems where testing has been performed. Drugs detected include antibiotics, anticonvulsants, analgesics, statins, and sex hormones. The federal government does not set safety limits for drugs in water and does not require testing. However, the AP quotes an Environmental Protection Agency official, Benjamin H. Grumbles, saying, "We recognize it is a growing concern and we're taking it very seriously." Little research has been done on the potential health effects of low-level pharmaceutical contamination, but laboratory work suggests effects on embryonic kidney cells, breast cancer cells, and blood cells, the AP reports. Associated Press story (Free)