Grow up, girls — those stranded dolphins don’t deserve your tears
Rod Liddle says that our unthinking, sentimental reaction to the plight of the dolphins is symptomatic of our dangerous confusion about animals in general
A few years ago I had to take my pet rat, Heydrich, to the vet’s after my youngest son threw him head first at the bedroom wall. After that, Heydrich walked oddly and began acting in an unpredictable manner, certainly not in a fit state to, say, quell unrest in Czechoslovakia. The vet prescribed a course of antibiotics and some painkillers — total cost about 50 quid — and said even then Heydrich might not regain his former glory. And then he fixed me levelly and added: ‘But, um, he is just... you know, a rat. For five quid I could...’
I paid for the treatment and Heydrich spazzed around for another week or so before pegging out, a look of relief evident on his little rat face. The day he died (solemn burial, full military honours, vicious reprisals etc) I watched that silly pet hospital programme with Rolf Harris; one lengthy section was devoted to a white mouse suffering from cancer; they’d operated, given it chemo, mouse announced it would fight the illness bravely, friends rally round doing sponsored walks, little mouse-trip to Disneyland etc. And the very next section of the programme was about a previously poorly python who was now fit and well, its grand state of health evidenced by the alacrity with which it hoovered up a tank full of live white mice — the cousins, presumably, of the brave cancer mouse in section one. Everyone was very pleased with the python.
But — ooh, it made me think, watching the back legs of those little rodents disappearing down the sinister maw of the python. At that moment I remembered too, with some disquiet, having beaten a rat to death with a shovel once, when it suddenly appeared in the kitchen of the Leytonstone squat in which I lived. How inconsistent we are towards animals; ambivalent, in the true Freudian sense of the term. We do not like them much for themselves, for what they are — only for the fictions we have imposed upon them. In a sense we treat them with the same ambivalence with which we treat children — although very few of us beat children to death with a shovel, I admit, much though we might wish to from time to time. I suppose there are too many creatures, from dust mites to elephants, for us to treat them all as if they were deserving of a right to life. And so we are shallowly inconsistent, hypocritical and capricious.
More articles from: Rod Liddle | this section
Post this entry to: del.icio.us | Digg | Newsvine | NowPublic | Reddit
Advertisement
Here’s how McCain can beat Obama to the White House
Reihan SalamThe acclaimed young Republican writer, Reihan Salam, says that McCain can win the presidency if he appeals relentlessly to the non-college-educated white middle class, pursues family-friendly tax reform and stands for global peace through American strength
Beijing Notebook
Boris JohnsonBoris Johnson recalls his recent jaunt to China on the occasion of the Olympic games
Our obsession with paedophilia is more dangerous than Gary Glitter’s return
Rod LiddleRod Liddle says that the hunt for this foul child molester is the symptom of an unhealthy and disproportionate fixation that has spawned all sorts of absurd rules and regulations
Confessions of a travelling non-dom
O`ar PaliO’ar Pali says it isn’t easy being on planes next to strangers all the time — and you quickly find there are a series of character types, dying to tell you about themselves
Reading on the web is not really reading
Susan JacobySusan Jacoby laments the intellectual crisis now gripping America and says that the torrent of digital infotainment is threatening basic literacy and news knowledge
A portrait of the artist as a tennis champion
Melissa KiteMelissa Kite meets Martina Navratilova, nine times Wimbledon singles champion and now pioneer of ‘tennising’ — an artistic technique that creates Jackson Pollock-style patterns
We have a duty to protect Zimbabwe
Peter OborneRobert Mugabe is murdering, starving and brutalising his people in the run-up to the presidential elections next week, says Peter Oborne. We should act now to prevent civil war and ethnic cleansing
‘Touch wood,’ Karzai said to me. You hear it all the time
Fraser NelsonFrom the President downwards, all Afghans know that the peace in Helmand is precarious.Fraser Nelson reports from a shattered land of corruption and murky power where warlords wait to see if the West has what it takes to stay the course and thwart a horrific new conflict
‘It’s the most English thing you could imagine!’
Robert Gore-LangtonShakespeare’s birthday celebrations in Stratford-upon-Avon may be a small-town affair, but it is one of the very few non-London dates that involves the diplomatic corps.
Welcome to subprime Britain. How scared should you be?
George BridgesMining data of unprecedented sophistication, George Bridges unveils a map of future economic pain: the areas where repossessions and negative equity are most likely to bite in the months ahead. The credit earthquake, he says, will be a huge factor in the next election
Latest blog posts
sponsored links
Sky TV, Broadband & Talk from £16 a Month
Sky TV & free broadband packages available from £16 a month. Choose from a standard free sky box, sky plus or sky hd.
Sky TV, Broadband & Talk from £16 a Month
Sky TV & free broadband packages available from £16 a month. Choose from a standard free sky box, sky plus...
ROME CENTRE
PORTA METRONIA, ROME Standing high on the top of one of the seven hills of Rome- the Coelian- this unique
City Breaks. ROME and PARIS
ROME and PARIS: over 350 holiday rentals apartments listed: visit www.romanreference.com and www.parisreference.com or call +39 0648 903612.
Jewellery. RUFFS (Estd. 1904).
Goldsmiths by Design Welcome to Ruffs! You have found a company of Goldsmiths that specialises in the manufacture, amongst other
Spectator Business | Apollo Magazine
Corporate | Advertising | Privacy | Terms
Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London, SW1H 9HP
All Articles and Content Copyright ©2008 by The Spectator | All Rights Reserved
Dave the Dolphin
June 12th, 2008 8:35amRod, this television presenter, please could you pass on her name.
Tiggy
June 12th, 2008 9:19amYes Rod, go on tell us please. We're dying to know. If she's told you she must have told others and I am very surprised no media animal action freak has turned her in for sexual harrassment of dolphins. Personally, if she and the dolphin were happy about it..well..but most odd and I suppose it takes all sorts..etc..
On the subject of rats as pets/nuisance I loved and nurtured gerbils in my childhood; weeping when they died. Yet, last year I caught and beat to death a very scared and angry rat that had the temerity to invade my bathroon and poisoned the rest of the little buggers. I felt a right bastard for weeks afterward.
Mark Newly
June 12th, 2008 9:29amStill got crap furniture.
Matthew Wilson
June 12th, 2008 2:11pmOne of the cultural legacies of the Abrahamic religions, as John Gray argues persuasively in Straw Dogs, is that many of us humans see ourselves as being somehow set apart from the animal kingdom. Not wanting to acknowledge our mortality - or let in the possibility that, like animals, we are not possessed of immortal souls - has probably got something to do with it. It strikes me that one of the reasons people like cats and dogs, their cuteness apart, is that they possess distinctive individual personalities (something that can't really be said of fish - though I'm prepared to stand corrected on this point). In the case of our old family cat, Kevin, my favourite idiosyncratic manifestation of his was the day we served him a brand of cat food he didn't like. His response was to sniff his bowl disdainfully before, to our watching delight, turning to scrape at the kitchen floor next to it with his paw, as if making to cover over a particularly odoriferous excretion. The message - namely "This is sh*t" - could not have been clearer if he had produced a PowerPoint presentation on the issue.
Another Dave who is a dolphin
June 12th, 2008 3:24pmMr Liddle is a lucky man to be able to tap out his middle-aged, not quite well-off enough, lost his proper job, musings every week and get paid for it!
They're always enjoyable, but so are lots of blogs from similarly under-employed gentleman that neglect their haircuts.
laurie macdonell-sanchez
June 12th, 2008 4:51pmPerverse, puerile AND ambivalent are most humans with regard to animals. (Farmers, ranchers, vets, hunters, gardeners, etc. excepted.) We think nothing of lavishing our dogs w/the finer side of our natures while we massacre & devour the beautiful, gentle bovine species. (I'm convinced that were I small enough, my poodle would eat ME!) That TV presenter should think twice about getting too chummy w/male dolphins – there’ve been MANY reports of attempted sexual assault by male dolphins against women at many “pet-the-dolphins” venues in the States—WITHOUT any encouragement such as that presenter’s bizarre overtures! Anthropomorphising animals is delusional & even dangerous. It is indeed horrible that the Japanese--and let's not forget the Russkies!--still hunt whales. Thank you for another great one—best laugh I’ve had in a week.
laurie macdonell-sanchez
June 12th, 2008 5:06pmPost datum: Your article's grim kiddie humor reminds me of Edward Gorey's "Gashlycrumb Tinies," a children's alphabet primer modeled on the late 19th century penny dreadfuls. I gave a copy to a daughter during her recuperation from appendicitis/peritonitis & she was in agonies of laughter. Worth looking up if you're not familiar with it.
Harry O
June 12th, 2008 10:46pmQuite right Rod, Time to be tough on dolphins, tough on the causes for dolphins.
David Short
June 13th, 2008 3:39amKnowing Liddle's vintage, I reckon it's got to be Valerie Singleton. He's too old for it to be anyone else.
KEVIN DONNELLON
June 13th, 2008 2:49pmSize matters too Rod. If whales were only 3" long we wouldn't give a toss if any died in rivers!
Dave the Dolphin
June 13th, 2008 8:00pmValerie Singleton? I won't bother then.
Ross Burns
June 15th, 2008 11:45pmWell, there's regrettably more generalisations in Rod's article than the number of sadly dead dolphins. Tis a pity he isn't more against the myth of a god he can't shake himself from believing in, than he his against animals. Come on Rod, you can scribble far better than that.
Jane Bodington
June 17th, 2008 11:36pmAre you really Rod Liddle or has some 'Low Life' taken over your column? I haven't laughed so much since the story of old uncle having problems with his testicles in the plastic chair.
Mind you, you are right about animals and their general cuteness. Personally I think lambs are lovely the way they hop, skip and leap about. But they are better cooked, and the dog agrees with me.
Frank Pulley
June 18th, 2008 1:23amWalt Disney has a lot to answer for.
Hope you've hired some shrewd bodyguards, Rod, and implemented sophisticated fire and security measures in your gaff. You do realise the the Animal Rights Movement encompasses some of the most violent terrorists in Europe, don't you?
The image of Val giving Dil the Dolphin a J Arthur will haunt me to my dying day. I wish you hadn't shared that with us! I'm still trying to figure out what prior conversation led up to that bestial confession. Care to elucidate?