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Real Life

Melissa Kite

Wednesday, 10th September 2008

Don’t be fooled

At last, I’m starting to enjoy the downturn. The key was realising that by buying less of everything I’m annoying people in positions of power and calling a lot of very rich people’s bluff. This is most satisfying.

For example, I used to scoff at an advert by the French energy firm EDF which promised that if I used less gas and electricity they would be delighted to reduce my bills. I tended to think that the correct response was to laugh my head off at the silly Frenchies with their statement of the blindingly obvious, based on an eye-watering lie that they would be happy if I used less of their product and they took less money from me. But then I thought, let’s not dismiss this out of hand. Maybe I should take them up on their offer.

The idea is that every time I go to switch on a light I stop myself and say: ‘No! They’re not getting it! It’s my money!’ and back I creep down the corridor to spark up a Géodésis candle and luxuriate in the balsam fir-scented gloom.

After three months of this activity I can report that my electricity bill has halved, although my spending on designer candles has gone through the roof. But I’m happy for Parfums d’Intérieur to have the money instead of EDF. They don’t send me letters ‘as a valued candle customer’ informing me they are putting up their prices due to problems in the world wax market.

Anyway, it got me thinking about all the other propositions based on lies that annoy me and how it might be fun to call all of their bluffs. It took a while to work out who to go for because the world is full of people urging me to do things that they secretly depend on me absolutely not doing.

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