Saturday 22 November 2008

 

The latest culture as recommended by our staff

Michael Henderson

Michael Henderson suggests


Dear Mary

Wednesday, 1st October 2008

Your problems solved

Q. Last week I gave lunch to my dear goddaughter and her equally dear mother in a fashionable restaurant. Both my goddaughter and I were rendered speechless when her mother produced a plastic bottle of water from her handbag and commenced to swig from it. The situation was quickly remedied when we both upbraided her soundly and water was obtained from the management. My question is: what should we have done if we had not been in a position to be so frank with the swigger, given the live-forever industry’s continued insistence on the constant public overconsumption of this fluid?

J.S., Goring Heath

A. You would have calmly said to the offender, ‘Do let me have your water’, then decanted it into a glass without further ado. Fortunately the fashion for overconsumption of water has already peaked — it has been discredited as a health boon. As for drinking straight from a squeezable plastic bottle — it may take longer before we see an end to this trend. The spurting means of delivery has too many resonances with breast-feeding and it may take some time before our infantalised population can be weaned off the habit.

Q. How should I react, as a senior citizen, when an employee of my Traveller’s Club, whom I have never met, addresses me, uninvited, by my first name? Am I right to be slightly taken aback?

E.B., Bromley, Kent

A. I assume you cannot be talking about the very civilised Travellers Club in Pall Mall, where such practices would not be tolerated. You should nip this problem in the bud by going to the club secretary and asking him or her to deal with the discourtesy directly.

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