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High life

Taki

Wednesday, 9th July 2008

People problem

I’m afraid that Pug’s Club ‘Turd of the Year’ award went unanimously to the ghastly Andy Murray, he of the centre court primal screams and primate fist pumping. Perhaps his mother, who looks straight out of central casting of a Hollywood stage mum, and then some, should file his teeth down a bit and make him look less like Dracula. Better yet, he should be forced to watch Federer in action and learn a thing or two about behaviour on court (100 hours of videos, and then 100 more). I know the hucksters who now run sport require announcers to be cheerleaders, but praising someone for acting like a bloodthirsty mullah extorting the faithful to kill infidels — and on Wimbledon’s centre court to boot — is simply pathetic. Dear old Dan Maskell, where are you now that we really need you? (My word, this is intolerable.)

Sport can at times resemble poetry. The infallible test of genuine poetry is that it forces us to recall emotions we ourselves have had. Sport evokes similar feelings. The split-second state of grace which brought victory long ago, as faint a memory as the scent of a girl long forgotten. And, of course, victory is more often than not followed by a low, a gentle melancholy, not that today’s professionals — in the extremely unlikely event that any of them would ever read this — would know what I’m talking about. That’s why I was happy to see Nadal and Federer play and act in the way they did in one of Wimbledon’s greatest finals.

Sport took second place last week, what with some wonderful parties being held, and not a small amount of gambling. Arki Busson’s engagement to the beautiful Uma Thurman made for one great night, and how nice it is to discover a genuine Hollywood star who is the opposite in real life to the roles she plays on screen. Uma is nice, normal and friendly, which is a hell of a lot more than the third-raters who pass for celebrities nowadays. The following night was the Bismarck bash for Mario Testino, a man I was reliably informed was a famous photographer, but, unlike other famous photographers, was extremely polite when introduced to a poor little Greek boy. After four nights on the trot of seeing the dawn break, I was feeling rather poorly for the Speccie summer party, especially as my fiancée (sooner than you think to be Mrs Taki) Mary Wakefield was nowhere to be seen. But the poor little Hellene is not as foolish as he looks when tired and emotional, which I was throughout last week. I had the beautiful 23-year-old Rose Hanbury with me — soon to become a major marchioness — which helped save my pride and dignity. It’s been downhill ever since. The gambling, I mean.

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ghostof'lectricity

July 11th, 2008 3:49am

"Ghastly" to describe people Taki dislikes twice in the same article. Lazy and slovenly even by the admittedly low standard of Taki, the high-money, low-work, insult-a-minute layabout who inherited his ability to vilify people too dead to respond (see Russert, Tim, for another very recent example). Leona Helmsley, whom Taki reminds us was known as the Queen of Mean, as if this is news, is the latest target of the tacky one's lack of cleverness and gratuitous meanness. Pot and the kettle and all that. To Taki perhaps, since no article from 1980 or so on that mentioned the late hotel potentate never failed to use that sobriquet, so either Taki is insulting our collective intelligence or it is news to him. In any case, I never had any use for Ms. Leona Helmsley, but if Taki hates her, then that is two points in her favor in my eyes. As I said previously, I never thought nor cared much one way or the other about Tim Russert, but Taki's factually incorrect (America "brought to a standstill" by Russert's death) and mean-spirited (irrelevant comments about Russert's weight, his journalistic impact) attack on him served as a favorable recommendation of Russert, in my eyes. It puts me in mind of Churchill addressing parliament after Hitler launched Operation Barbarossa against Stalin and the USSR in early summer, 1941: if Hitler invaded hell, Churchill said, he (Churchill) would provide a recommendation for Satan before the MPs. This is how I feel about Leona Helmsley. If Taki hates her, I'll donate to a fund in her memory.

When are you going to get back to your true metier, attacks on vulgar, money-grubbing, fat, ugly, big-nosed Jews and their "oppression" of the poor innocent Palestinians, Taki? I can hardly wait.