Michael Henderson suggests

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Dear Mary

Mary Killen

Wednesday, 14th May 2008

Your problems solved

Q. I have a number of friends in common with another man but we are not particularly good friends with each other. He is exceptionally tall — I am about six inches shorter. Whenever we are at the same party he always greets me by coming up suddenly and ruffling my hair. Perhaps this is meant to come across as affectionate jostling but it makes me want to punch him. I have asked him not to do this in the past but he still carries on. Any suggestions?

Name and address withheld

A. Experiment with hair modelling wax until you find a brand which makes no visible difference to your hair’s appearance but leaves a slimy residue on the hands which have applied it. Your friend of a friend — whose ‘jostling’ is more likely to be passive aggression — will then face the consequences since all glasses will slip out of his hands until he has gone to a cloakroom and given them a thorough washing.

If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.

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John Dean

June 3rd, 2008 3:32pm

If the complainant put goo on his hair to stop his patronising 'friend' ruffling his hair the 'friend' might well wipe his fingers on the complainant's jacket. What then Mary? I'd suggest reach up and tug forcefully at the 'friend's'
hair with sufficient strength to hurt him.