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Real Life

Melissa Kite

Wednesday, 2nd July 2008

Outrage permitted

The following events took place in a Lambeth Council parking shop just off Streatham High Road. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. This report contains scenes that some readers may find deeply disturbing.

Melinda, a Lambeth resident, has just walked into a stark, white, newly refurbished ‘customer centre’. She is greeted by a dozen service desks, all of which have women sitting idly behind them. She approaches the nearest one.

A frowning cashier warns her to desist from approaching the desk unannounced and tells her that she must take a ticket from the supermarket cheese-counter-style dispenser in the corner. Melinda tries to take a ticket but the machine requires her to enter certain data first. She must tell it whether she has booked an appointment. She selects the button marked ‘No I am a burden on the state and have turned up selfishly without booking’ and a ticket is finally granted. She then goes to the waiting area. Immediately as she sits down a buzzer sounds, her number is called and she is summoned to appear at the very same cashier’s desk where she started.

Melinda: But I just came a minute ago and you said...

Brenda the cashier: You have to get a ticket. I would advise you to sit down now and relax. You look distressed.

Melinda: I am distressed, actually. There’s nowhere to park outside.

Brenda: You should have come at a different time. Between 9 and 9.15 in the morning is best.

M: Well, anyway, I want to renew my residents’ parking permit.

B: Do you have the relevant documentation?

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