Dear Mary
Your problems solved
Q. I have just moved into a sizeable townhouse which also comprises a separately owned basement flat (occupied by a young family). The entrance to the flat is set half-below street/garden level round the side of our property and down some steps at the back. The house has not been occupied for several months and it would appear that the family in the basement flat had taken to using the garden during this period. The garden is unoccupied during the day as we are at work and belongs solely to the house. (The family below know this.) However, the family’s two young children continue to use the garden when we are out. Yesterday I was outside and the husband simply opened the gate, walked in, and politely asked if we would allow his children to use the garden during the summer holidays. In an attempt to buy some time, I said I would ask my housemates, who are due to move in this weekend. We value our privacy and do not want to share our garden. How can I decline this awkward request (and discourage future uninvited intrusions) without appearing selfish or creating hard feelings?
T.S., London SE5
A. Preserve your privacy at the same time as your humanity by confiding that opinion is divided upstairs. Half of you are very much against the favour being granted (do not identify the antis). The other half would like to see the children happy. Therefore, as long as all evidence of the children and their activities are gone from the garden by five p.m. on weekdays, you will turn a blind eye. With this tactic you will curry favour with the neighbours but can clamp down immediately if the agreement is breached — blaming the anonymous antis. In that case the basement family will be the ones to feel guilty rather than you.
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