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Notting Hill Nobody

Tamzin Lightwater

Wednesday, 19th September 2007

Hooray! Labour no longer the Party of Economic Competence!!

V excited about our new promise to ensure fair pay for women. Went straight to see our Comms Director Gary and laid it firmly on the line. Said I happened to know that Wonky Tom was earning twice as much as me. Made the point that as we are now supporting young women in making broader and more ambitious career choices, it might be time to give me a bigger role, on election planning for example. He said, ‘No way, love,’ and asked me to get him a Sencha tea. While I was waiting for the kettle to boil, I wondered how come Theresa May doesn’t have to put with this sort of thing. Actually, I bet she does. That’s why she’s always bulk-buying shoes!

Spoke to a few of the girls and we’ve decided to start a little Union Chapel. We’re going to go to the pub at lunchtime and have beer and sandwiches to celebrate! It’s all v cutting edge. I’m going to propose myself as the Shop Stewart.

Wednesday

Bit of a panic. Word went round that Gordon was going to follow up his tea party with Maggie by inviting Tony round for dinner! But Jed checked it out and said he was satisfied it was just an urban myth that had got out of control.

Which means that Top Secret Project TB — Tony talks to the Tories! — is still a runner. In fact, it is not out of the question that we might get it sorted in time for the guest appearance at conference. Thank goodness. It was tricky persuading people that we seriously booked Michael ‘Mike’ Bloomberg as our celebrity speaker, but if this comes off it will all be worth the embarrassment!

Off to drinks at the Ivy now. We’re having a ‘Hard Times’ theme party to mourn Britain’s economic decline.

Thursday

My campaign for equal pay continues apace. Am like suffragette for our age. Today am wearing extra slouchy clothes. Gary said I looked like a bag lady, but I informed him it was ‘union chic’ and he looked suitably impressed. ‘Nice to see you’re going the extra mile to Be The Change.’ Well, exactly.

Was going to buy dungarees from Topshop but owing to soaring debt levels have decided to rest my credit facilities for a while. The good times are over for debt-ridden Britain and I am v much riding the curve of the zeitgeist. Or is it surfing the wave? I can never remember.