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Club class

Julia Hollander

Wednesday, 16th July 2008

Julia Hollander leaves her hair shirt at the departure gate

I don’t seem able to avoid offending people. I try convincing them that abstinence is a positive experience — I remind them of the old-fashioned romance of train travel, the glamour of yachting holidays. But they always suspect a subtext of austerity and deprivation. The only time my air-travel celibacy becomes acceptable is when I assume the role of confessor to the penitent. Shame-faced, they arrive on the doorstep — ‘I know it’s pathetic, but we’re holidaying in the Bahamas this year; I wish we had the strength to say no’; or, ‘I just can’t cope with another holiday like last summer’s washout in Cornwall — the kids were a complete nightmare.’ Sometimes I am offered a pledge: ‘This is the last time — you are my witness, Julia. I’ve bought a couple of £1 flights to Ibiza, but after that no more. I promise.’ Then I discover on the grapevine that this friend has forgotten to tell me about several more bargain breaks.

I hate fielding everyone’s guilt. It reminds me that what I am doing is lonely, and somehow (in their eyes) deeply sad. I object to my status as the local hair-shirter. What good is it, anyhow? I meant it to be a group effort, but after all this time I am still one vestal virgin among thousands of revellers. From what I can see, our government is positively encouraging the party: its grand plan is to expand the air industry by 100 per cent in ten years. And who will be jumping on those extra jets? Everyone I know.

Enough. I have made up my mind: after three years of solitary sustainability, I need to be normal again, have the same carbon footprint as everybody else. Air travel is cheap; it’s convenient; it’s de rigueur. I am off to rejoin the high life, until the fuel runs out or some killjoy politician decides to penalise us. If you want to know the details, next week I am flying to a gorgeous castle in deepest Tuscany. Then there’s the weekend in Ibiza — I’m not missing out on my fair share of that. And a few long-haul flights to catch up on lapsed friendships. Hurrah. It will be such a relief. I shall be free again; just another sinner in the orgy of the skies. I willingly abandon myself to airport queues and the risk of lost baggage. I shall revel in the thrill of getting somewhere fast, leaving behind me a glorious trail of noxious gases. Hell, if the world is going to burn, then at least I won’t be on my own.

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Mike Tranter

July 18th, 2008 2:44pm

Read Christopher Booker and other sources about climate change. The IPCC has published a document which shows that climate change is due to alterations in solar output. Let's ignore the CO2 fascists and do our own thing.

PS I am in Manila as I type this; I flew business class too.

Steve

July 25th, 2008 12:26pm

It is pleasing to read that a 'sinner' has repented and is re-joining the flock.
What a pity it took you three years to come to your senses and realise that you had become a part of the global con game.

I too fly business class.