Home > The Magazine > The Week

Saturday 22 November 2008

Dare to dream and make your ultimate trip a reality

The latest culture as recommended by our staff

Michael Henderson

Michael Henderson suggests

Email registration

Free weekly email update

Great products and special offers for Spectator readers

Click here for great value events

Click here for exclusive articles, offers, tasting notes and discussion

Notting Hill Nobody

Tamzin Lightwater

Wednesday, 10th October 2007

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Tuesday

Knew the elation couldn’t last. This morning awoke to truly terrible crisis staring at me from every newspaper. Where on earth am I going to get £950 to buy a Nancy Bag? Asked Daddy over breakfast, but he said he didn’t care if they were regulation issue for Tory-girls-about-town, he’s not spending his dwindling pension on a lot of Smythson overpriced nonsense.

Felt really down all day. Thought it was the bag situation, but then noticed everyone was like it. Jed says it’s Phantom Election Syndrome. All that excitement, the preparations, the trial launch — and then nothing.

Sherwood our lifestyle guru is giving us extra helpings of ginseng tea. Suggested to Nigel that free issue of Nancy Bag for all female staff could be just the morale boost we need! He told me to go and talk to Lord Ashcroft.

Wednesday

Am in turmoil. Poppy came in with The Bag on her arm! Clearly had to do something so went to Bond Street at lunchtime. Told the woman I was a personal friend of Sam’s and had come to collect my free bag. How was I supposed to know that’s what everyone’s been saying? Apparently I was the 17th female employee from CCHQ to get thrown out on to the pavement this week. Not very Compassionate.

On a lighter note, have had breakthrough with PMQs preparation — Gutless Gordon! Am now speechwriting genius and central cog in machine. Was even called in to take notes for Jed and Gary at a non-election planning meeting! Must say, found it all v confusing. Don’t see why we would want to spend the next two years subtly refining our tax-cutting commitments until we are back to where we started. But Jed seems to think we need a detailed plan to achieve just this. Suppose I’ll end up doing it.

Thursday

Was desperate so went back to shop in deep disguise. Big blonde wig, mummy’s Chanel jacket and dark glasses. Worked like a dream. She just appeared and came running up to me: ‘I know you! You’re that woman from off the telly! Cassaaaaandrah! Get this lady a —ing bag!’ Don’t know who she thought I was or why she was talking like a Cockney, but who cares. Am proud owner of this season’s must have Compassionate Conservative accessory in softest calf’s leather. Hooray!

Previous page 1 | 2

More articles from: Tamzin Lightwater | this section

Print this article | Email to a friend | Permalink | Comments (1)

Post this entry to: del.icio.us | Digg | Newsvine | NowPublic | Reddit

Manuel Escott

October 15th, 2007 11:11pm

Am desperately in love with Tamzin. Have tried to in vain to contact her by email with a view to setting up a fan club here in Toronto, Sadly I now have to conclude that Tamzin Lightwater is in fact some wit at the Spectator or a freelancer. But please, for God's sake, do not tell me Tamzin is really Boris or Rachel Johnson.

A child of our time

From the economic and psychological bedlam of the global downturn has emerged a particularly dangerous false dichotomy: namely, that there is somehow a choice for ministers over the next few years between economic reconstruction and the repair of Britain’s broken society, and that the government (whether Labour or Conservative) must prioritise the former at the expense of the latter.

Diary

Anne Robinson

The daughter and I spent the last few days before the American election in Arizona.

Politics

Fraser Nelson

Fraser Nelson reviews the week in politics

The Spectator's Notes

Charles Moore

‘A money-financed tax cut is essentially equivalent to Milton Friedman’s famous “helicopter drop” of money.’ So said Ben Bernanke, now the chairman of the Fed, in a speech about how to ward off the ‘extremely small’ chance of deflation, which he delivered in 2002.