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Notting Hill Nobody

Tamzin Lightwater

Wednesday, 17th October 2007

Tamzin Lightwater's take on the week

Can’t remember anything. Woke up at Waterloo Eurostar with my bags. Tail to bunny costume missing. Saw papers showing seven-point Tory lead and panicked. Thought had been force-fed hallucinogenic drugs.

Went straight into office but not in ideal state to help with meeting between Dave and Mrs T. Was already a nightmare. Mr Hague only managed to get her there by promising he was still leader of the party. Dave not pleased about making tea and pretending to be Mr Hague’s judo partner.

Was so awkward — think it might have helped things when I tripped on the TV wires and fell over. She was so nice about it: ‘Good morning, dear. You may get up now.’ Will tell grandchildren one day!

Tuesday

V stern memo from Jed. We are to drop everything and find heartbreaking examples of British Poverty. Sounds a bit depressing to me. Ho hum. Better get down to it I suppose....

This Nick Clegg is v dishy. Been looking at his website. He reminds me of someone. Oh dear. It’s happening again. It took me ages to crack the Miliband obsession. If anything, the Cleggster is better-looking. He’s got boy-next-door appeal. And he sounds normal. He’s got the common touch. He’s young, vibrant, energetic, handsome. Gah! Make it stop!!

Wednesday

Where is all the hardship?! If I don’t find a desperate family willing to be photographed in their cramped council house soon am going to miss all my poverty targets. Wonky Tom also struggling. Says it’s not our fault. The problem is ten years of a Labour government pouring money into the welfare system. I found a family in Kirklees who can’t afford a plasma screen TV but Jed says he wants ‘damp walls, unemployment, hard drugs and hopelessness’. We’ve got till 9 a.m. tomorrow. Looks like we’re going to be here all night.

Thursday

Nothing. Not a single family willing to parade their desperation. Do they not know we’re trying to mend the Broken Society? Talk about ingratitude.

In the middle of it all Bev from Labour rang to say it’s all over at her place, and are there any jobs going here? Ha! Told her that’s what happens to nasty people who steal policies. Tom said I should have told Jed, but I don’t like to bother him with such a small thing. Am off to the newly refurbished Tranquillity Room 2 to play the ‘Discover Your Inner Headbanger’ hypnosis CD.

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A child of our time

From the economic and psychological bedlam of the global downturn has emerged a particularly dangerous false dichotomy: namely, that there is somehow a choice for ministers over the next few years between economic reconstruction and the repair of Britain’s broken society, and that the government (whether Labour or Conservative) must prioritise the former at the expense of the latter.

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