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Diary of a Notting Hill nobody

Tamzin Lightwater

Wednesday, 12th December 2007

Tamzin's look-back at a tipsy-turvy year for Project Cameron

JANUARY 2007

As we await the coming of the Force of Darkness, work begins on election posters featuring Gordon as Darth Vader.

Tory coffers bulging in preparation for the fight, half a million raised in one evening at a party at Blenheim. Pol Roger champagne flowing and as much caviar as you can eat (for only £5,000!).

Back at HQ we launch our ‘Live Life For Less’ campaign, teaching poor people to be thrifty. We unveil plans to ban fast food, and clamp down on other ‘social pollutants’ such as Edward Leigh.

FEBRUARY

A lot of nosy-parkers demand to know whether we are going to cut taxes. As we haven’t the faintest idea, we are able to skilfully resist demands to formulate policy.

Meanwhile, after a spate of shootings in south London — wherever that is — Dave shows he has the answers to society’s ills by pointing out that hardly anyone who guns down children on council estates is married. Mr Luntz in the basement with his funny dials says we’ve never been so popular.

MARCH

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Randall Wade

December 13th, 2007 7:48pm

A-ha. Hahaha. Hahahaha...uhhh, what was that punch line agin?

Dietrich Wilhem Behncke

December 15th, 2007 2:48am

I so luv Tamsins style and 'class'(whatever that is)! As an old foxhunter in good old NSW, where it's still legal I regale my hunting friends constantly with choice excerpts. Keep it up Speccie!

chris holmes

December 16th, 2007 6:22pm

I second that emotion: Tamzin ('zee' not 'ess') is one of the first I turn to when the Spectator hits Corfiot shores. Certainly, she's a guaranteed witty read and I learn new jargon by the week. Loipon! This online Coffee House is a godsend: no Speccie this/last week so unwired ancients are reeling with cold turkey while smug types like me are quoting tantalising bits from the link. I never know if it helps to drop leaden hints to the Powers That Be that certain star writers are keepers. I assume they bawl down the intercome, "you got some ex bloke in greece you've bribed to rave about you? sayyy obvious, m'dear. true in this case. i must have soula run up a t-shirt in time for summer, like "Tamzin is a Keeper", and see how many ^5s I get as i mooch down Agios Gordis beach.