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Diary of a Notting Hill nobody

Tamzin Lightwater

Wednesday, 9th April 2008

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

Wednesday
On Boris duties for rest of week. Bev from Labour rang to say she was desperate to jump ship now Ken almost certain to lose. She wants to know whether we can guarantee her a safe seat ‘but not too rural, cos I don’t do mud, like’. I’m going to meet her tonight just to give her the benefit of the doubt. I haven’t seen her in a while and you never know, she might have changed.

Sadly, my idea to blame Gordon for pasta shortages now officially rejected. Incredibly, it’s nothing to do with him but everything to do with Italian farmers selling wheat for biofuels instead of spaghetti! This is an outrage. Surely we as the Natural Party of Pasta must campaign against these dreadful so-called biofuels which seem to be taking over. Told Jed but he just said ‘I refer you to my earlier text’. V odd.

Thursday
It was no go with Bev, I’m afraid. She’s still about two stone overweight with red spiky hair. I had to be honest with her. There really isn’t a safe Tory seat in the country, with mud or without, that is going to consider a Labour defector unless she’s had a makeover at Daniel Galvin. We are the New Look Tories, after all.

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