Lucy Vickery presents this week’s competition
In Competition No. 2681 you were invited to submit a treble clerihew about a public figure who was prominent in 2009 or 2010.
Jaspistos, who ran a similar competition some years ago, noted that it was E.C. Bentley’s son, the author and illustrator Nicolas Bentley, who invented the double clerihew form. Examples of the treble are difficult to track down; my predecessor was breaking new ground with this assignment.
Honourable mentions to John O’Byrne and Frank Osen. Shorter entries mean space for more winners this week. Those printed below are rewarded with £20 each. W.J. Webster storms home with the bonus fiver for the second week in a row. Bravo!
Has the presence, fans say, of Charles Bronson—
The ’tache part being played by his thatch,
Quite likes quoting Horace,
But not his view of the mob,
Which would make him sound rather a snob.
Occasionally misplaces his mojo:
But it’s magic the way he escapes
Received a torrent of hostile mail
For dumping an innocent cat in
The fate of Lola
Meant many a gnashed molar
Among cat lovers wishing death on Mary.
Did not go to jail.
Her punishment was having to handle
Opprobrium and scandal.
Carol Ann Duffy’s appointment
is a potential fly in the ointment,
since her stated intent
is not necessarily to cover each royal event.
Bearing in mind this year’s royal wedding
and, dynasts hope, the immediately productive
will she write about either
Time was when an aureate,
but invariably obsequious, Laureate
who did not perform when Royals were wedded
risked being beheaded.
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta
Is like ricotta —
The part of cheesecake
Designed to make the knees ache
And to have eaters whimpering
While they are copping
A peek at its fanciful and luxuriant
Although frankly I find it too rich
And, to look at, too kitsch:
I’m sick of the saga
Of Lady Gaga.
did lots of fiddly-some
manoeuvres and prancing
on Strictly Come Dancing.
In her case the full title
’s appropriately rightful;
she threw herself utterly and nobly
into the Paso Doble.
Years as an MP
made her see
the commitment and devotion
required to go through each motion.
Would probably like to win a jihad,
As much as that other Iranian wallah,
President Ahmadinejad of Iran
May or may not be a musical man,
But I would far rather he played the
Than with enriched plutonium.
Let us hope Mr Ahmadinejad,
Never gets fightin’ mad,
Because what he might then be inclined to
Is nuke You-Know-Who.
Is a bespectacled Italian fellow
From the land of opera
With a surfeit of amour-propre
Like a heavenly choir
Hailing the advent of the Messiah
The FA paid Capello
A fortune to stand on the touchline and
He boasted that England’s World Cup
chances were strong
But inevitably the Germans came along
Was a pain
No. 2684 question time
You are invited to take a well-known literary figure and put them into the role of agony aunt/uncle, submitting a problem of your invention and their solution (150 words max.). Please email entries, where possible, to email@example.com by midday on 2 February.