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High life

What 12 Years a Slave gets wrong – and The Book Thief gets right

My first ever fight with Deborah Ross, and a few other fights to be going on with

8 March 2014

9:00 AM

8 March 2014

9:00 AM

Damn, damn, damn! It has to be me, and all these years I’ve been thinking it was Hollywood. By the time you read this it will all be over, like the Olympics, but I had someone play 12 Years A Slave on my television set — it’s called Apple TV but I’m incapable of making it work on my own — and could only watch for ten minutes. Then I had the nice woman who assists me change the film. To me it was like watching a cartoon, as one scene jumped to another without continuity, just clips of horrible whites torturing an innocent black man. Needless to say, it won best picture in El Lay, and of course it would, wouldn’t it? Slavery makes Hollywood go weak at its knees as it’s a moneymaker like no other. Brutal white American Southerners plus black victims of American greed equals lotsa moolah at the box office.

Now don’t for a minute think I’m defending slavery. We Greeks haven’t had slaves in modern times, just 2,500 years ago. We stopped after Jesus Christ told us we were all equal in the eyes of God. The fact that Arabs and Africans did not stop, however, is something Hollywood sharks have chosen to ignore. Anyway, had I lived in the American South back then, I would have freed my slaves had I inherited any. Free men work better, as do well-paid domestic servants. I don’t mistreat or fire people, except the odd Frog captain of my boat, who was so busy impregnating women he was always below deck while I spent my time unsuccessfully screaming for him to surface. (He then got a job with an English gent, who asked me for a reference, got a good one, and when I eventually met the Englishman he told me that the captain I gave a great reference to had tried to murder him and was at that moment residing in a St Tropez jail.)

Still, it could have been worse. Bushido could have ended up like the Marie Celeste, the ghost ship discovered mid-Atlantic without anyone on board. But back to Hollywood and its ‘lest we forget’ that whites are the baddies moneymaking scheme. The fact there is still slavery practised in Africa seems to have escaped it. A lot of American blacks take Arab names and become Muslims, an irony in itself in view of the fact that Arabs, in cahoots with African tribal leaders, were the ones that enslaved the poor souls who ended up on slave ships. The Brits, too, made a quick buck transporting them to the New World, where the Americans put them to work in chains. Slavery, we all agree, was the most horrendous of institutions, but it has been over since 1865, except in Africa. I know, I know, blacks in America need a sort of helping hand, but as the great James Burnham wrote, ‘Human differences are so profound, it is neither possible nor desirable to eliminate all inequalities, hierarchies and distinctions.’

Last week in London, a black thug was sentenced to four years — he will serve only two — for killing a sick white man with one punch. The judge said his intent was not to kill him. I beg to differ. Winding up and throwing a punch at someone who was not looking is called murder in my book. Boxers throw short punches because if they wind up and throw it, it will not land. It’s called telegraphing. The thug in question wound up and punched a man half his size looking elsewhere. It would have been a miracle if the man had lived. The thug deserved ten years minimum. Just think what a white thug would have received had he cold cocked a small black man suffering from Asperger’s syndrome? First and foremost it would be called a hate crime, and no judge would dare not call it murder. Second degree, that is.

And speaking of judges, I received some emails concerning my column of two weeks ago in which I derided a British judge for sentencing Eddie Somerset to two years for hitting his wife Caroline. What I got wrong was that Caroline Somerset did not go to the fuzz — the hospital where she was treated did. Blame it on me, but the severity of the sentence is still outrageous, especially when compared with what thugs and people who are trying to murder us for not being Muslims get nowadays.

And now for my first fight with my fiancée Debbie Ross. She did not like the film The Book Thief. She thought it too photogenic. I thought it the best film of the year by far. Sophie Nélisse is the proto-German little girl, the most innocent but puzzled blue eyes ever. The trouble with critics nowadays is that they know about life under German occupation from Hollywood. I know about it first-hand, over the course of three long years. Most German officers acted impeccably, as did simple soldiers. We all know what the bad guys did, but the great majority were civilised and acted within the rules. The Hollywood version is that every man wearing a German uniform was a brute, a barbarian and a killer. I say the opposite. My experience is that the brutes and torturers and killers were a minority, special Gestapo and SS men who defied the mores of a nation that produced Goethe, Schiller, Bach and Beethoven for the Nazi ideology. The Red Army raped close to three million German women, the German army in occupied Europe raped nearly zero. Go see The Book Thief.

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