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Competition

Haikick

2 March 2019

9:00 AM

2 March 2019

9:00 AM

In Competition No. 3087 you were invited to submit haikicks. We already have short-form hybrids such as the clerihaiku (here’s one from Mary Holtby):

Peter Palumbo
Cries, ‘Mumbo-jumbo!’ and rails
At the Prince of Wales
 
And the limeraiku:
 
A haiku will do
 
For a limerick trick, called
A Limeraiku.

That was by Arthur P. Cox.
 
Now Bill Webster, veteran of these pages, has come up with a new version of the haiku-limerick combination. Hence this challenge. You responded to it with your customary vim and wit, and with the help of such notables as William Spooner, Abraham Lincoln and Jeremys Clarkson and Paxman.
 
The winners, printed below, are rewarded with a tenner per entry printed.

Abraham Lincoln
Once made America great,
When showing the place
That honour and grace
Held at the heart of the state.
Hugh King
 
Jeremy Paxman,
who once grilled MPs on toast,
chucked the third degree
and retired to be
an upmarket quiz show host.
 
Gary Lineker,
football player, then chatter,=
tweets Guardiloo views
on what’s in the news
and seems to think they matter.
Kim Brennan
 
Margaret Thatcher
Must be restless in the tomb
As Theresa May,
Going runaway,
Leads the nation to its doom.
G.M. Davis
 
George W. Bush
Is someone I used to diss.
‘He’s like Forrest Gump,’
I cried. Now, with Trump,
He’s someone I somehow miss.
Robert Schechter
 
Vladimir Putin
Is a devil in disguise.
You’ll see if you trace
The lines of his face
He’s got secret policeman’s eyes.
 
Jeremy Corbyn:
Ooh, there’s a difficult man.
His heart is quite pure,
But nobody’s sure
Whether the man has a plan.
Basil Ransome-Davies
 
Nicola Sturgeon
Is a lass who loves stating
What fun it would be
If Scotland were free.
She’s a lady in waiting.
Frank McDonald

 
Margaret Beckett
Nominated Corbyn to
Be Labour leader
Alas dear reader
A most silly thing to do.
Philip Machin

 
William Spooner
Would certainly not admire
MPs all at war
And, cocked to the shore,
He’d think they’d all gone way hire.
Alan Millard

 
Jeremy Clarkson
behaved in ways unruly
so the BBsent him (less his fee)
off to ultima thule.
D.A. Prince
 
Vladimir Putin
May have influenced voters=
Into electing
A truth-neglecting
Russian asset as POTUS.
Rob Stuart

 
Pep Guardiola:
King of Catalonia!
He’ll come out on top,
Ahead of Herr Klopp —
Of the two, the moanier.
David Silverman

 
Theresa M. May
Worked out a compromise pact:
To leave the EU
While remaining too.
No good, whichever you backed.
Andrew Wilcox

 
Michael O’Leary
Flies you to many places
Much cheaper than chips,
As long as your trips
Don’t involve any cases!
David Duncan Jones

 
Jeffrey P. Bezos,
The multi-billionaire whizz,
Complains of blackmail.
It seems it’s a Tale
Of Two Peckers. (One is his.)
Brian Allgar


 

No. 3090: the big reveal

You are invited to submit a recently discovered lost poem by a well-known poet which makes us see him or her in a new light. Please email (wherever possible) entries (16 lines maximum) to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 13 March.


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