Helen Monks Takhar

‘Who gets the kids if we die?’ Planning for the unthinkable

In Oscar-nominated movie Manchester by the Sea, Casey Affleck’s character Lee Chandler is shocked to discover he’s been named in his brother’s will as the guardian of his orphaned 16-year-old nephew Patrick.

The boy’s dead father didn’t discuss it beforehand, and Lee has no interest in taking on the mantle of replacement parent. This position is all the clearer for Affleck’s character when the lawyer explains that while the boy’s expenses will be covered from his brother’s estate, Lee will be required to uproot his life and relocate to discharge his guardianship duties, thus setting up the movie’s driving tension and ratcheting up Patrick’s pain.

Imagining the children we love being orphaned isn’t something any of us want to think about. But if families don’t face up to this possibility, they could leave their children in greater financial and emotional turmoil should the worst happen.

Teenage children might seem ready to look after themselves, but if any child is orphaned before they’re 18, they’ll need a legal guardian.

If no guardians are named in the deceased parents’ wills, then the courts could decide who gets to be guardian, meaning it may not be who the parents – or uncles, aunties and grandparents for that matter – would have wanted or expected to take them on.

Whether you’re thinking about who to choose, or considering whether to agree to being named as a legal guardian, it could make for some uncomfortable but necessary conversations.

Legal guardians are expected to provide a home and the day-to-day care of children, as well as oversee their education. So, parents need to consider how nearby the preferred guardians live. Also, do they have a big enough home, or would they need somewhere bigger to accommodate the children?

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