Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary: Can I still socialise with my virus-denying friends?

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Q. An old friend offered to treat me to a birthday lunch, provided I choose and book the restaurant myself. (He has always hated admin.) On booking, the restaurant asked me for a £50 deposit — this to deter no-shows — and I was told this would be refundable on our arrival.

When the bill was presented my friend characteristically just handed over his card without even glancing at it. The next day, on noting that my deposit had not been refunded, I rang up this agreeable local restaurant. It turned out there had been a misunderstanding. They had not refunded my account but had instead reduced my friend’s bill by £50. It’s not that I want the £50 back. I can afford that — but it is somehow unsatisfactory that my friend thinks he treated me to lunch, when in effect I paid for myself and, as the total bill was around £75, subsidised around a third of his. How can I convey this info without seeming petty, not least to teach him a lesson that he should be more careful about grandly paying bills without looking at them?
— S.M.G., Upavon, Wilts

A. Ring the friend to thank him again for lunch. Act daft as you enlarge that, however good the food was, you suspect that you were both charged a £50 deposit, so before you make enemies at this agreeable local restaurant by ringing to challenge them, can he bear to glance at his own statement to see how much he paid himself? In this way you can retain the financial high ground but also teach your admin-phobic friend a lesson about bill checking.

Q. I am keen to spend more time socialising with very fun neighbours but I am vulnerable and they are virus-deniers.

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