Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary: How can I get my friend to shave off his hideous wispy moustache?

Q. An elderly cousin gave my husband and me a wedding present of two weeks in his villa in the Bahamas. We have just returned from the most fabulous holiday of our lives. His delightful housekeeper came in every day and we bonded with her. However, towards the end of our stay she confided that it had been some months since my cousin, who pays her a monthly retainer in cash, had visited and that she was running short of money. Could we get cash to pay the sum he owed her, and ask my cousin to pay us back? My cousin is much richer than we are and, frankly, we couldn’t afford this extra cost, but felt we couldn’t say no. Now, after a holiday that would have cost thousands had we paid, you will understand why we can’t ask him to reimburse us. I would still like him to see we are not total spongers but can’t think how to do it.

— Name and address withheld

A. You must tell him. If he doesn’t know, your cousin may pay her again himself. Then, rightly assuming you had been too embarrassed to tell him you had already settled up, she may well be tempted to accept this duplicate payment — after which her conscience will trouble her. Now bond with your cousin over a thank-you lunch or dinner. Gush away, then add: ‘By the way please don’t pay us back for your housekeeper’s retainer. It’s only fair that we contribute something after that amazing holiday.’ At this point he will ask for clarification. He will then either say, ‘Absolutely not, I insist on paying you back’, or ‘Oh well, thank you, that would be very kind’. At least you will then get the credit for your own largesse — and the housekeeper will not be led into temptation.

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.

Or

Unlock more articles

REGISTER

Comments

Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in