Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary: How do I politely avoid going to a memorial service?

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Q. I will shortly be attending a major social gathering in London at which I can look forward to seeing some dear old friends and speaking to them in person for the first time in many months. Therein lies the problem. I will probably not be able to speak to these key people. I can anticipate that, just when I am properly engaging with someone who is normally too busy to talk on the telephone, and with whom I have a lot of ground to cover, a ‘person from Porlock’ will hove into view and bring our intimate chat to a halt. Mary, my question is: how, without being rude, do you get the message across that you would like to exchange small talk with such an acquaintance later — but please don’t disturb us just now?

— S.T., Chirton, Wilts

A. The only solution is to take a tip from our beloved monarch and attend such events with a compliant walker (in HM’s case, a lady-in-waiting) who will follow you around and politely block the access of persons from Porlock. ‘I’m waiting to speak to her myself,’ such a person can confide as they interpose themselves. ‘But I can see they are deeply engaged and I don’t want to interrupt.’

Q. There are too many memorial services just now, due to pandemic postponements — occasionally for people who died more than a year ago. I went to four within one week. Much as I wish to pay my respects, I can’t face any more. How do I politely avoid them?

— H.V., Chisenbury, Wilts

A. There are too many.

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