Lucy Vickery

It’s a date!

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In Competition No. 3124 you were invited to compose clerihews about any date in the calendar. I was very grateful recently to eagle-eyed John O’Byrne, who drew my attention to the fact that the closing date for Competition No. 3125 was not 20 November, as printed in the magazine, but 13 November. Even better, he did it in clerihew form:

The 20 November,

Now that I remember,

Is the closing date not for 3125 but 3126 —

So herewith my quick fix!

Clerihews always go down well and this challenge netted a whopping entry. New Year’s Day, Shakespeare’s birthday, 9/11, the Fourth of July, Black Friday, April Fool’s Day, 5 November, Burns Night and Labour Day all featured, and thanks to Dominica Roberts I now know that the feast day of Saints Cyril and Methodius falls on 14 February. The winners below earn £8 per clerihew printed.

12th December:

a chance to disMember

those remoaning contrarians

masquerading as parliamentarians.

Adrian Fry

On April 2nd,

Trump claimed to be the greatest President

in history, but people reckoned

His ludicrous boast would have been more

Appropriate the day before.

Brian Allgar

On 11 September 2001,

We barely knew what had begun,

And we’re still not sure what will ensue

Before some of us die or all of us do.

February 14

Has long been

A day for pursuing erotic connection

Via chocolate confection.

Chris O’Carroll

On the Ides of March

beneath an arch

the words of the soothsayer proved valid

upon the murder of the man for whom they

named my favourite salad.

Robert Schechter

April 23rd this year

Would have been an occasion to cheer,

If Shakespeare were still alive.

He’d be 455.

Brian Murdoch

Adolf Hitler

Fought Churchill, who was by an inch or so littler.

But Hitler, in 1945, was defeated in a rout

Since he, though taller than smaller Churchill,

was not as stout.

Alan Millard

22nd March 1963

Is the date of the Beatles’ first LP:

What a sexual thrill! —

But not for poor Phil.

Bill Greenwell

June the 21st is

the summer solstice.

Druids sacrifice the bourgeoisie

on the A303.

Nick MacKinnon

Halloween

Occurs between

The end of October

And the start of not being sober.

Basil Ransome-Davies

Burns Night

Is not a Sassenach’s delight:

Unless your bag is

Haggis.

W.J. Webster

April the 1st

gives an unmissable chance for those with a sadistic thirst

for playing witless jokes

on hapless folks.

Martin Parker+

Christmas Eve

Is the night for make-believe

When you are taken in because

Your kids pretend to think you are really

Santa Claus.

Alanna Blake

On July 20th 1969,

Neil Armstrong stepped on the Moon and

delivered his famous line.

The whole world watched

as the line got botched.

Roger Slater

The 1st of May

Is international Labour Day,

When those who wish to riot

Tend to try it.

Carolyn Beckingham

Is August 12th glorious

Or notorious,

As the moors become a slaughterhouse

For grouse?

Nicholas Hodgson

On 17 March

The Irish rarely parch:

Even Yeats on Innisfree

Would not go Guinness-free.

David Shields

The fourteenth of May

Has nothing to distinguish it from any other day,

And so it is time

To commemorate it in rhyme.

J.M.L Harris

No. 3127: brow lines

You are invited to submit Shakespeare’s newly discovered ‘Woeful ballad to his mistress’ eyebrows’. Please email entries of up to 16 lines to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 27 November.