James Bartholomew

James Bartholomew’s diary: Give up the Today programme – you’ll feel better

Plus: Scottish independence, not being a conservative, and the case for big basements

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It’s amusing to see serious journalists and authors struggling to use Twitter under instruction from their newspapers and publishers. They realise they lose dignity by condensing their great thoughts into a mere 140 characters: it is inevitable, whoever you are. Imagine Jesus had been obliged by his Father to tweet. It just wouldn’t have been the same: ‘Might be a bit short of loaves and fishes on the mt today. Take a miracle to feed everyone!’ or ‘Great supper with the lads tonight — worried that tomoro might not go so well. #nastyfeeling’

This year the referendum on Scottish independence takes place at last. Oh, please, may the Scots vote yes! Pretty please! Come on Salmond! Everyone says what a brilliant politician you are. Do your stuff: charm, bamboozle and lie to get your countrymen to see things your way. You cannot imagine how thrilled we down south would be not to have a phalanx of socialists descending from the north after every election. And doubtless, after a somewhat painful time discovering that socialism is a disaster — let’s hope the Scots wake up to that a little faster than the Russians did — they will see sense and make a success of it. So, you see, we will all gain in the end.

It is a painful obligation for those of us interested in politics occasionally to listen to the Today programme — the BBC worldview at its most insistent. I keep on hoping that, one day, James Naughtie will steel himself and ask a question that comes from a free market perspective, but it will never happen, of course. But the worst of it is those cringe-making moments when the programme tries to make a joke. It’s like an elephant trying to lay an egg.

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