Exciting news arrives. The Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, has let it be known that he wants more northerners nominated for honours, as part of the ‘levelling up’ programme to which this government is so deeply committed. This will change every-thing and I foresee a Conservative majority at the next election of at least 200. I thought that as The Spectator’s north of St Albans correspondent I should identify some of the brilliant northerners who will shortly be in receipt of OBEs, MBEs, knighthoods and what have you.
You don’t cure the problem of low wages simply by transferring a few Treasury posts up to Darlington
– Wayne Rafferty, aged 33, a pharmaceutical distribution executive from Manchester, who even at the height of the Covid pandemic ensured that his customers in Moss Side were fully supplied with fentanyl and horse tranquillisers. (CH)
– Norman Redwall, aged 79, from Mexborough, for innovation. Since 1963 Mr Redwall has refashioned dentures salvaged from the local crematoria and sold them cheaply to townsfolk. (MBE)
– Mohammed Jihadi, aged 63, from Keighley, for services to the community. Mr Jihadi founded the Keighley and District Inter-Faith But Not Jews Dialogue forum and has reached out as a ‘mentor’ to many young white girls in his area. (Knighthood)
– Sheila Pigg, aged 41, from Peterlee, for services to the community. Sheila’s vibrant puppy farm has provided local people with many hundred adorable American pit bull terriers, only seven of which have eaten toddlers. (OBE)
– Ian Lavatory, aged 57, of Cumberland, for innovation. A popular local Labour politician, Ian has shown extraordinary innovation in ensuring that miners’ welfare payments ended up in exactly the right pockets. Or pocket. (Life peer)
– Jayden ‘Ratboy’ O’Byrne, aged 15, from Toxteth, for services to young people.
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