Rod Liddle

Nail a cretin – the winner(s)!!!!

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Many thanks for all those of you who have submitted hilarious examples of the most ludicrous, stomach-churning balls spoke during that bizarre election campaign. I know I promised to have a result by Friday morning but I was still drunk as a consequence of celebrating the result in Redditch, so many apologies.

It was a close call, in the end. I agree absolutely with Eddie who complained long and loud about repeated injunctions for “change”, “fairness”, “respect”, “hardworking families” and so on. Even more so with Mark who complained about the continual usage of the meaningless phrase “frontline services”. What are frontline services?

But three winners of the bubbly. Oedipus Seacole Rex for spotting the typically vacuous Nick Clegg statement: “(We will) hardwire fairness into British society.” What does that mean? It’s total and utter bollocks, isn’t it?

Then there’s Noah Zrk who spotted this gem from a television interview with David Miliband: “We aren’t making you any promises, that is why you can trust the promises we are making.”

But – call this personal, if you will – it’s difficult to beat Polly Gamma, who spotted something I hadn’t seen: the wholly ludicrous Harriet Harman addressing black voters and opening her speech with the words “Brothers and Sisters……”, bringing shrieks of incredulity, groans and laughter from the audience. Here it is on Youtube.

It sort of sums her up; patronising, smug, deluded, forty years out of date, presumptuous, cheap and condescending. Huge thanks Polly, it cheered me up no end.

Please can Polly, Noah and Oedipus make their addresses known to the administrators (dblackburn @ and I’ll send out the bubbly. Let me know if you want it pink.