Steerpike Steerpike

Steerpike returns in this week’s Spectator

Mr Steerpike is delighted to appear in print this week, with several pieces of juicy  gossip. First off, Team Miliband are serenading Westminster’s favourite left-wing Tory, ResPublica director Phillip Blond:

‘A new rumour suggests that Miliband’s wingman, Lord Wood, has been despatched to persuade the Conservative oddball to disappear into the changing room and re-emerge as a Blue Socialist. ‘Good God no,’ Blond says when I ask if he’s tempted to join the Two Eds’

I also reveal that outgoing Tory MP Louise Mensch attempted to pursue some future employment opportunities before running away to her family in New York:

‘Shortly before the ex-MP dashed off to Manhattan to spend less time with her party, she asked No. 10 to fix her up with a nice little job at United Nations HQ. Was she serious or just having a laugh?’

While wandering by the Ecuadorian embassy, I also discovered that Mr Wikileaks Julian Assange has recently received a special visitor in the form of the women who broke up the Beatles:

‘Outside, I chatted to a friendly bobby who disclosed that Assange had recently been favoured with a lengthy personal visitation from Yoko Ono. No wonder he’s feeling bored, isolated and depressed’

And finally, it seems that the recently deceased Labour MP Sir Stuart Bell will be missed by one admirer in the House of Commons in particular:

‘His death has come as a personal blow to a charming Commons employee who sought his assistance during a crisis and begged him to help her acquire a shiny new pair of boob implants. Only recently she was inviting female colleagues in the House to road-test her new silicon rotundities with an exploratory squeeze’

You can read all the stories in this week’s Spectator, out today. To subscribe from just £1 a week, click here.

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