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What’s your favourite Robin Williams one-liner?

Mr S was saddened to hear of the death of Robin Williams — a man who contributed to the gaiety of nations. People wax lyrical about Williams’s ability to inhabit character; but Mr S is more impressed by his turn of phrase. Here are some Mr S’s favourite one liners:

  •  ‘Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
  • Ah, yes, divorce – from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
  • One question for the Royal Family: all that money and no dental hygiene?
  • ‘No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.’
  • ‘What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.’
  • ‘People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.’
  • ‘Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money’
  • ‘In America they really do mythologise people when they die.’
  • ‘I like my wine like my women – ready to pass out.’
  • The only reason Mickey Mouse has four fingers is because he can’t pick up a cheque.’
  • Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… Look at the platypus.’
  • ‘In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say, “Stop, or I’ll say stop again”.’
  • ‘Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students.’
  • ‘If it’s the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?’
  • ‘Reality: What a concept!’
  • ‘Freud: If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.’
  • ‘I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open.’
  • ‘Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.’
  • ‘Shakespeare said, “Kill all the lawyers.” There were no agents then.’
  • ‘I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.’
  • ‘Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.

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Steerpike is The Spectator's gossip columnist, serving up the latest tittle tattle from Westminster and beyond. Email tips to or message @MrSteerpike

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