Alex Massie

When is George W Bush not the villain? When David Cameron is.

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Not the least of the entertainments* between now and polling day will be seeing how the Guardian manage to keep up their exhausting warnings of the dire consequences that will inevitably follow any Conservative victory. Nothing but nothing will be too trivial for the paper and that's fine: free press and all that. The best so far was the suggestion that the Tories are extremists who favour US-style gun laws so their youthful paramilitaries can storm NHS hospitals to control costs by executing anyone a) who voted Labour or b) looks like they might have voted Labour.

Today's effort is only marginally less ridiculous. Apparently the Northern Ireland "peace process**" will be wrecked if the Tories get in. Why, look, even George W Bush has been on the blower to warn Dave to "reign in" the Conservatives' "Unionist partners". It says something about the current mood in Farringdon, I think, when George W Bush is presented as the good guy. See, even George W Bush thinks the Tories are dangerous!

But, really, is there actually "widespread concern" in Washington about the fate of Northern Ireland. Well, not especially, I suspect. Some small pockets of interest, perhaps, but not widespread concern. For that matter, I doubt the Guardian has ever previously credited Mr Bush with having any interest in Ulster at all. But needs must and desperate times demand desperate measures and all that.

Next***: frogs, boils and locusts. All on their way if the Tories win.

*Lord knows, there won't be many.

**The "peace process" has, of course, been sanctified and anything that can be presented as "damaging" it in any way must be condemned. The triumph of process over outcomes is now complete and the PP has become an untouchable shibboleth of its own.

***Labour peeps will complain that they've not always received a fair press from the Tory papers. And they'd have a point! But so what? The Guardian (and the Mirror) can publish what they please; that doesn't mean it all has to be taken seriously.

Written byAlex Massie

Alex Massie is Scotland Editor of The Spectator. He also writes a column for The Times and is a regular contributor to the Scottish Daily Mail, The Scotsman and other publications.

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