Why don’t men ask questions?

I’ll bet most women under 50 in relationships with men have found themselves wondering when on earth the man is going to get round to asking them a question. The man gets home. We ask about his meetings, his lunch, his colleagues, showing empathy and imaginative curiosity. Then we wait in vain for our turn. That sounds too passive. ‘Waiting in vain’ doesn’t begin to summon the way mild pique turns first to incredulity, then actual rage and despair at the man’s apparent lack of interest. ‘Tears are pooling on your collarbones again,’ my husband used to observe quite regularly on date nights in our courting days. ‘Is it because I should be asking a question?’ I soon learned not to say yes.

In the years since then I’ve asked countless women whether they find that men ask them interesting and satisfying questions – whether they reciprocate. Almost all report versions of the same dismal experience. One of the brightest and best Gen Z women I know told me that she recently used a stop-watch to record how long it took her boyfriend to return the favour and ask about her day. That clock’s still running.