Competition No. 2521: Tall tale You are invited to submit an anecdote by a dinner-party bore that culminates in the dubious claim: ‘And that is how I came to eat a cucumber sandwich with the King of Norway’. (150 words maximum.) Entries to ‘Competition 2521’ by 15 November or email email@example.com.
Competition No. 2520: On the road
You are invited to submit a poem entitled ‘Meditation on the M25’ (maximum 16 lines). Entries to ‘Competition 2520’ by 8 November or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
In Competition 2516, with the impending Turner Prize in mind, you were invited to submit a review by a particularly pretentious art critic of a piece of conceptual art.
In Competition 2515 you were invited to supply Ten Commandments for a belief system, real or invented, of your choice.
In Competition No. 2514 you were invited to recast a fairy tale as a rap. I thought that fairy tales might translate well into the language of rap. After all, violence is a dominant theme in both genres (especially in the Grimms’ original x-rated versions, which featured scenes of murder, mutilation, cannibalism, infanticide and incest that would make Stephen King blanch).
In Competition No. 2513 you were invited to submit a Spectator Love Bug ad for a well-known literary character.
In Competition No. 2512 you were invited to submit a description of a hangover in heroic couplets.
In Competition No. 2511 you were invited to describe, in prose or verse, Christopher Robin’s first day at a comprehensive school.
In Competition No. 2508 you were invited to submit an acrostic poem in support of Boris Johnson’s bid to become Mayor of London, in which the first letters of each line spell out BORIS FOR MAYOR.
In Competition No. 2507 you were invited to incorporate the following words into a plausible piece of prose: century, carnage, cordial, censure, cataract, clerical, celery.
In Competition No. 2506 you were invited to submit a short story entitled ‘A Life With a Hole In It’.
In Competition No. 2505 you were asked to supply the first 16 lines of an ode to something ugly.
In Competition No. 2504 you were invited to invent nine muses for the 21st century.It was left to you to…
In Competition No. 2502 you were invited to submit a review by a critic identifying the literary precursor(s) to a…
In Competition No. 2499 you were invited to submit a poem eulogising a pet.
In Competition No. 2498 you were invited to submit a speech by one of our newly ‘emotional literate’ politicians
In Competition no. 2497 you were invited to take a famous love scene from literature and recast it in the style of Barbara Cartland, Jilly Cooper or Mills & Boon.
In Competition no. 2496 you were invited to submit a short story whose final line is ‘Sir, when I heard of him last he was running about town shooting cats.’
In Competition 2495 you were invited to submit a poem establishing the principles of a new religion
In competition no. 2494 you were invited to submit a poem written by a hypochondriac about a minor ailment.
In Competition no. 2493 you were invited to take a famous scene from literature and retell it from the point of view of one of its minor characters.
In competition No. 2492 you were invited to write a piece of prose entitled ‘Irritable Vowel Syndrome’, without using the letter ‘u’.
In Competition No. 2491 you were invited to submit a piece of prose describing what happens when you wake up one morning to find yourself transformed into an insect but not a beetle