There’s no escape from mindfulness
And so, as it must, the pilgrimage to find a local GP surgery begins. This is a great British tradition,…
There’s no escape from council bureaucracy — even in paradise
‘I’m afraid you’ve made a mistake with my council tax,’ I said to the lady at Guildford Borough Council. ‘Right,’…
Tax it, Sorn it or start speaking Welsh
‘You’re probably excited about your new service and keen to start using it as soon as you can,’ said the…
To cone or not to cone?
After spending the day unblocking the gutters and drains in the pouring rain, he wasn’t in the mood for a…
The builder boyfriend is an endangered species
The builder boyfriend has dug himself a hole. I don’t mean he’s in trouble with me. I mean he has…
Was there an invisible chain above the chain I was in?
Well, there were seven of us in this chain, so it was a bit crowded, to paraphrase a princess. We…
The one where I manage to lose £100,000
A gentleman on Twitter ‘writes’ to say I’m boring him with my house move. ‘Snooze-fest’, says this chap, and he…
Could this be the day when they finally lock me up?
With so many last-straw moments to choose from in my house-moving experience, it is a close call to pick the…
Goodbye to Balham
Goodbye then, Bal-ham. You were my gateway to the south. I loved you for so many more reasons than that,…
Why bathroom fittings are getting above themselves
Some people get into the choosing of tap fittings. I am not a person who gets into the choosing of…
I am trapped – they won’t let me leave London!
‘Information,’ came the reply. ‘We want information.’ The voice echoed in my head. Oh no. Oh please God, no. A…
The device that killed grammar
Of all the many indignities I have suffered at the hands of my iPhone, the humiliation that sickens me the…
The curse of the gastro-preneur
‘Mesdames et messieurs, allow me to introduce you to your meals,’ said the waiter. Oh lordy, I thought. Here we…
How not to be a model ex-girlfriend
Someone has given the builder boyfriend an iPhone and things will never be the same. Until now, he has always…
The moral case against building an extension
If it takes any longer to find a buyer for my London flat I am going to start coming to…
Is not riding the new riding?
Shoot me if I ever let slip I’ve been mucking out with rubber gloves and a dustpan and brush. As…
‘Unexpectedly re-available’ is a phrase that speaks to me
Unexpectedly re-available is a very good phrase. I have often seen it applied to house advertisements and thought how fabulously…
My kitchen kink is causing merry hell
Fine, so I got it completely wrong. It turns out the sale of my flat was not held up by…
Was it going to cost me £130 or £260 to pee on a red route?
The builder boyfriend declared himself very happy with his £65 pee. He insisted it was good value for money because…
Is this the most expensive pee ever?
As if by magic, a sign that I am doing the right thing by moving out of London arrived in…
The buyer of my flat has an unhealthy obsession with my wiggle
The problem holding up my house move turns out to be a wiggle. Have you ever had a wiggle? It…
For really ethical fur, hunt it yourself
The cant around ‘ethical fur’
If Donald Trump doesn’t cause market meltdown the sale of my London flat will
If the buyer asks me any more questions I am going to pull out. I have to put my foot…
The dietary obnoxiousness of the Catholic Church
A few moments after saying the communion rite, the priest looked at his congregation and uttered easily the most disturbing…
Never speak to the inland revenue at New Year
The most annoying thing about starting a new year is how long it takes for everyone to crank themselves back…
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