Food

The Parliament Hill Café is awful. I’m sorry they saved it

16 April 2016 9:00 am

The Parliament Hill Café is a drab glass box at the bottom of Hampstead Heath, near the farmers’ market and…

Bellanger review: a posh Islington restaurant for semi-ordinary people

2 April 2016 9:00 am

Islington is a bellwether, and also a joke: the most unequal borough in London, where social housing leans against £4…

The new Wheeler’s is the worst thing Marco Pierre White has ever done

19 March 2016 9:00 am

Wheeler’s is such a dreadful restaurant that I wonder if Marco Pierre White even knows his name is on it.…

Pharmacy 2 makes me like Damien Hirst

5 March 2016 9:00 am

Pharmacy 2 is the reanimated child of Damien Hirst; it lives inside the Newport Street Gallery in a forsaken patch of…

Sartoria: the home of Savile Row’s men who lunch

20 February 2016 9:00 am

Sartoria is a pale grey restaurant on Savile Row. As evidence that this is London’s destination street — if menswear…

Le Caprice is trying to bring back the 1980s (unsuccessfully)

6 February 2016 9:00 am

Le Caprice is a monochrome patch of the 1980s behind the Ritz Hotel, in the part of St James’s that…

Bring back the old Brass Rail, Selfridges!

23 January 2016 9:00 am

The last time I reviewed a restaurant in Selfridges, a PR man rang up to ask what he could do…

Meet Feng Shang Princess, the (lousy) Chinese restaurant in a boat

9 January 2016 9:00 am

The Feng Shang Princess is a floating Chinese restaurant on the Regent’s Canal in north London, which flows from Little…

Center Parcs Longleat – a stealth socialist utopia on Lord Bath’s estate

12 December 2015 9:00 am

Center Parcs Longleat is a holiday village in a forest in Wiltshire, on Lord Bath’s estate, so you can never…

Sexy Fish: not so much a restaurant as a museum of London’s rich

28 November 2015 9:00 am

Sexy Fish is a ludicrous restaurant with a ludicrous name in a ludicrous town. It is the latest venture from…

Redecorate the restaurant, but you can’t redecorate the clientele

14 November 2015 9:00 am

Forty-five Jermyn St lives in the left-hand buttock of Fortnum & Mason (F&M), a shop whose acronym is slightly too…

The Old Vic’s Pit Bar has fallen to the hipsters – Penny reviewed

29 October 2015 9:00 am

Penny is an all-day café in the former Pit Bar in the basement of the Old Vic, a famous and…

I went to Pedro’s Tex Mex Cantina to claim my racist sombrero

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Pedro’s Tex-Mex Cantina is a fantastical shack near a ring road in Norwich. It was recently asked to stop handing…

Smith & Wollensky doesn’t even serve the best steaks in Covent Garden

3 October 2015 8:00 am

Smith & Wollensky is a restaurant from The Shining: a terrifying American steak joint by the Thames, four months old,…

Finally, a foodie restaurant that isn’t pretentious, overpriced or insulting to the intelligence

19 September 2015 8:00 am

I cannot review the Gay Hussar every time the Labour party behaves like a self-harming teenager (‘I don’t want to…

Where comics find their Edinburgh comfort food

5 September 2015 9:00 am

Mum’s, or to use its full title, Mum’s Great Comfort Food, is a restaurant in Edinburgh designed to soothe itinerant…

Jamie Oliver should have stuck to recipes - he’s just no good at restaurants

22 August 2015 9:00 am

Jamie’s Italian is squeezed into the Devonshire Arms on Denman Street, Soho, borne on the duplicitous winds of TV shows…

I Shop Therefore I Am (Dan Kitwood/Getty)

A fake fishing village, and the nastiest thing I’ve eaten as a restaurant critic

8 August 2015 9:00 am

Selfridges is skilled at making things that are not hideous (women) look hideous (women dressed as Bungle from Rainbow or…

Venetian restaurants know I’m English from the back

25 July 2015 9:00 am

The Gatto Nero — or ‘Black Cat’ — is in Burano, a tiny island in the Venetian lagoon. It is…

The joy of an empty Gordon Ramsay restaurant

11 July 2015 9:00 am

The Maze Grill is on a sinister street in Chelsea, between a small Tesco — a boutique Tesco? — and…

The new Ivy doesn’t have the old magic (if there ever was any)

27 June 2015 9:00 am

The Ivy is a Playmobil-style faux-medieval restaurant in a triangular building opposite The Mousetrap; of the two, The Ivy is…

A fantasy world with its own perfumed air: the Colony Grill Room

13 June 2015 9:00 am

The Beaumont Hotel is a bright white cake in the silent part of Mayfair, where the only sound is Patek…

Fenchurch in the Sky Garden – like going for dinner in Total Recall

30 May 2015 9:00 am

Fenchurch is a restaurant that is scared of terrorists. It cowers at the top of 20 Fenchurch Street, a skyscraper…

There’s only one place to mourn another Labour loss

16 May 2015 9:00 am

Ed is a plank. He was always a plank — and now he is in Ibiza being a plank. Plankety–plankety-plank:…

(Photo: Liavittone)

The Portrait restaurant: a secret glade of stone and brick, suspended above Trafalgar Square

2 May 2015 9:00 am

The Portrait Restaurant lives at the top of the National Portrait Gallery, London. It is fiercely modern, but likeable. You…