Low life

The vomit-cleaners of YouTube

24 February 2018 9:00 am

My hangover was what the great Kingsley Amis describes in his Everyday Drinking guide as a ‘metaphysical’ hangover. Apart from…

Even the BBC’s recipes are politically correct

17 February 2018 9:00 am

I’m cooking almost full-time for my poor old Mum and learning on the job: shepherd’s pie, roast pork, cauliflower cheese.…

Seeing Nelson in a new light

10 February 2018 9:00 am

I picked up my grandson from his mother’s flat and noticed the change in him the second I clapped eyes…

My Burns Night haircut

3 February 2018 9:00 am

At three o’clock I took half a bottle of Glenmorangie with me to Jimmy’s. That it was Burns Night, and…

Two documentaries have made me determined to visit America’s Deep South before I die

27 January 2018 9:00 am

‘ESTA refused,’ said the email from the official website of the US Department of Homeland Security. Franklin Roosevelt once said…

Jeremy Clarke: The power of ‘Bonjour’

20 January 2018 9:00 am

In France, or in Provence at least, polite rule number one is to say hello. You must offer a distinct…

Jeremy Clarke: Escaping from Colditz with Professor Brian Cox

13 January 2018 9:00 am

By New Year’s Day I’d had enough of festivities. Instead of getting out of bed, I turned over, put my…

Jeremy Clarke: How I lost an afternoon to two magnums of mid-range champagne

6 January 2018 9:00 am

As I stood there, I was reminded of the man of no fixed abode who, several years back, aged 68,…

Jeremy Clark: Was this a cruise ship — or Colditz?

16 December 2017 9:00 am

We ascended the gangplank and were smartly directed to the ship’s library, where the seated purser swiped my debit card…

How a human body burns

9 December 2017 9:00 am

I took a dab of antiseptic gel and rubbed my hands together. ‘Alone tonight, sir?’ said the charming head waiter.…

The pure joy of a boring car

2 December 2017 9:00 am

My pal Charlie inherited a car and a ride-on mower from an old pal. He kept the mower and the…

Treble doubles, shattered glass and a copper on the doorstep

25 November 2017 9:00 am

The door to Trev’s flat was open so I walked in and found him on the sofa watching TV. He…

Was there pleasure at Passchendaele?

18 November 2017 9:00 am

At ten to eleven we filed outside the church and assembled in the graveyard around a small cenotaph commemorating the…

A lament for the best pub in Devon

11 November 2017 9:00 am

We had a hyperbole competition, the taxi driver and I, over the climbing full moon, clearer and brighter than either…

The perils of the boar-hunting season

4 November 2017 9:00 am

The French countryside around here is teeming with wild boar. They visit the shack at night to eat the pansies…

This Pulitzer Prize-winning, New York Times ‘novel of the year’ is bollocks

28 October 2017 9:00 am

Last May we had dinner with a comic who reads a lot and his wife. At one point, he told…

Was I first in line for the euthanasia chamber?

21 October 2017 9:00 am

On Saturday night, I toddled up to the village hall for the fish-and-chip supper, quiz night and raffle — bring…

Stepping (literally) into my girlfriend’s ex-husband’s shoes

14 October 2017 9:00 am

Early on Friday morning I flew from the north of Iceland to Reykjavik, from Reykjavik to Heathrow, then I hopped…

How to mend a car, Russian-style

7 October 2017 9:00 am

The temperature gauge needle heeled hard over into the red. ‘Not again,’ I said to Oscar, sitting beside me on…

A plague on our village

30 September 2017 9:00 am

As is traditional in this village, the Chapel congregation had walked the 100 yards up the hill to unite with…

Propositioned by the most popular tourist guide in Singapore

23 September 2017 9:00 am

I got off the plane at Changi still pleasantly sedated by Xanax, passed through the ‘nothing to declare’ channel, and…

The political agenda of the bookshop at Bristol airport

16 September 2017 9:00 am

The army patrols at Nice airport go around three abreast, steely-eyed, fingers on the trigger. They walk slowly and scrutinise…

My hair-dye shame

9 September 2017 9:00 am

‘Have you ever thought of having some colour put in, love?’ said Julian as he shaved my neck with a…

I like Donald Trump — but don’t tell anyone

2 September 2017 9:00 am

I arrived for lunch a bit late and was led to the dining table. Our hostess disappeared back into the…

What my 91-year-old aunt could teach Boris Johnson

26 August 2017 9:00 am

My mother has various chronic illnesses and finds it almost impossible to remain both immobile and awake during the day.…