‘He was tweeting too much so I blocked him.’

Tweets

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘Sloppily presented, barely reasoned, platitudes and regurgitated non-facts — Pennington Minor, you have a future as a politician...’

School

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘We’ve created additional space by getting rid of the books.’

Library

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘When a butterfly flaps its wings in China, Speaker Bercow says something in Westminster.’

Chaos

23 March 2019 9:00 am

Facebook

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘It’s true, knife crime is getting worse.’

Stabbed

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘I’m stockpiling for Brexit, and in the event of no Brexit, I’m stockpiling for Corbyn.’

Brexit

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘Who funds you?’

Funds

23 March 2019 9:00 am

Waiting for Brexit

Waiting

23 March 2019 9:00 am

Protest

23 March 2019 9:00 am

Fresh

23 March 2019 9:00 am

Island

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘Finally we can move on to some form of consensus.’

Meeting

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘He’s on such great forms.’

Awards

23 March 2019 9:00 am

‘No cotton, no leather, no wool – he’s so woke!’

No cotton

14 March 2019 9:00 am

‘I prefer this one.’

Cards

14 March 2019 9:00 am

‘Ides of March? Project Fear nonsense!’

Ides of March

14 March 2019 9:00 am

Death

14 March 2019 9:00 am

‘A card payment for your thoughts?’

Cash

14 March 2019 9:00 am

‘For the last time, NO, I do not wish to upgrade my phone!’

Phone upgrade

14 March 2019 9:00 am

‘I’m stockpiling riot gear.’

Pile

14 March 2019 9:00 am

‘Nobody told me “no deal” would lead to this.’

No Deal

14 March 2019 9:00 am

Dinner

9 March 2019 9:00 am

‘Some people just keep on reoffending.’

Train cancelled

9 March 2019 9:00 am

‘I draw the line at chlorinated chicken.’

Chicken

9 March 2019 9:00 am