‘So for the backpackers and gap-year students I’ve devised new, comforting Zen Lite.’

Zen

24 June 2017 9:00 am

Flying

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘I’m hoping to get a glimpse of the legendary Ruth Davidson.’

Loch Newman

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘OK, are you ready? I’m going to switch on the news.’

Radio Grizelda

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘He’s socially awkward but brilliant in his field.’

Cow Percival

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘Not only are they fattening — they’re also homophobic.’

Cereal Singleton

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘…or as it’s known locally, the plotting shed.’

Shed

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘It’s scary how the young have been affected by Jeremy Corbyn.’

Affected

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘There’s amazing footage of Theresa May surviving.’

Alien Newman

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘That racket is the dawn chorus.’

Tent Wood

24 June 2017 9:00 am

‘Feeling cheap, used and empty usually means the detox has worked.’

Tea

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘Darling, they’re playing our ringtone!’

Darling

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘Just how many lives does Michael Gove have?’

Cat Newman

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘I don’t care what her name is — why can’t you do something useful like invent a wheel?’

Caveman Turner

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘I don’t fancy being stuck in the jungle with Paul Nuttall!’

Jungle Newman

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘You’re not by any chance related to George Osborne?’

Smile Wood

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘They say do you mind going round the block a few thousand times? They’re still working on it.’

Car RGJ

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘I’ve never been to a conversion to Corbynism ceremony before.’

Witch Grizelda

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘You’ll have to subscribe to hear the rest of his sentence.’

Subscribe Grizelda

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘What climate change?’

King Thompson

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘Sorry I’m late.’

Butterfly GG

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘The general or the infirmary? I’m easy either way.’

Ambulance Dredge

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘Quick! To the batgrave!’

RIP Bernie

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘Take you to my leader? OK, but we’d better be quick.’

Alien Thompson

17 June 2017 9:00 am

‘It’s one of my old Sgt Pepper articles remixed.’

News Kipper

10 June 2017 9:00 am