‘I’ve been appointed chief whip to the medicine cabinet.’

Chief whip

25 August 2018 9:00 am

‘I was present but I was not involved.’

GCSE results

25 August 2018 9:00 am

‘Miro, Miro, on the wall...’

Art

25 August 2018 9:00 am

‘Of course seats are expensive: they’re very rare.’

Rail fares

25 August 2018 9:00 am

‘A typical silly seasoning story...’

Slugs

25 August 2018 9:00 am

Marmite

25 August 2018 9:00 am

‘These people ought to be locked up!’

G4S

25 August 2018 9:00 am

‘Now I just need to sort out the voiceover.’

Cave

18 August 2018 9:00 am

‘They only got £90 million for House of Fraser...’

House prices

18 August 2018 9:00 am

‘Looks like they’re finding the discussions frustrating.’

Silly talks

18 August 2018 9:00 am

‘I prefer filtered coffee.’

Coffee

18 August 2018 9:00 am

‘Sorry, I don’t have a spare pound today but I plan to have one by 2027.’

Sleep rough

18 August 2018 9:00 am

‘It’s outrageous that a real space alien didn’t get the role.’

Cast

18 August 2018 9:00 am

‘It might look better in portrait than in landscape.’

Chart

18 August 2018 9:00 am

‘He refuses to go home until Boris is out of the news.’

Go home

18 August 2018 9:00 am

Oxtail

18 August 2018 9:00 am

How your smart devices talk about you when you’re out.

Smart devices

11 August 2018 9:00 am

‘He just encountered some free speech.’

Free speech

11 August 2018 9:00 am

Life before phones

Telegrams

11 August 2018 9:00 am

‘On the plus side at least it’s a bit cooler down here.’

Heat

11 August 2018 9:00 am

‘Just when the glass ceiling’s become a glass floor, we have to worry about upskirting.’

Upskirting

11 August 2018 9:00 am

‘This is the last straw.’

Plastic

11 August 2018 9:00 am

‘Rich man, poor man, beggar man, person in need of a hug…’

Bowl

11 August 2018 9:00 am

Bench

11 August 2018 9:00 am

‘Fancy a dip?’

Ink

11 August 2018 9:00 am